Unspeakable
by Crysie
Summary: Yamato had been adopted by the Yagami family as a baby, growing up with his siblings, Taichi and Hikari. As he ages, he can't deny his feelings for his brother, and as a result, many problems form… AU. Taito! Very angsty [Finished]
1. Wavering Feelings

Disclaimer - I don't own Digimon.   
  
This will (probably) be my last story on FFN. With the latest restriction, I will be losing some of my favorite fics off the site. The slogan of FFN no longer fits is due to the recent restrictions within the past 4-5 months, which is annoying me greatly. However, I'm only angry right now and will probably write more fics to post because who can resist Taito, Yamasuke and Daikeru??  
  
Anyway, this is a creation of my strange mind and was inspired by a person I care for very much, ColourBlind KoNy. I hope everyone enjoys this.  
  
**Unspeakable  
Chapter 1: Wavering Feelings**  
  
It's my turn!  
  
No way! Yamato and I want to watch our show!  
  
You just watched that anime! Now I want to watch mine!  
  
Sighing, I reached forward and plucked the channel changer out of Taichi's grasp. My two siblings had always fought over the television, which puzzled me. It's a box that displays moving pictures. What is so great about that when there is music, reading, and art in the world?  
  
Hikari can watch her show, I said, pressing two of the buttons. We have homework to do.  
  
Hikari gave a small cheer as she grabbed a hold of a pillow and hugged it tightly to her chest, staring like a zombie towards the television. It's rather odd how we all look like whilst watching it. Makes me wonder if television will succeed in turning us into brainless zombies.   
  
Must we do homework, oh eldest? Taichi said, dramatically posing by lifting an arm across his forehead and the other over his heart.  
  
I merely rolled my eyes. Taichi was older than me by two months, which had always bewildered the both of us. We would have to been in our mother's womb at the same time, but that wouldn't explain why we're born on different dates.  
  
Sometimes, when I studied the four members of my family, I felt like a puzzle piece put in the wrong box. Their dark resembling features and tanned skin caused me to feel like an outcast, something I had grown very used to over the years.  
  
You know very well that I'm not the eldest, I said, settling into the bottom bunk of the beds we share.   
  
Taichi wiggled in next to me, sprawling himself across me. He brought his backpack on his lap and began digging around. Math or chemistry?  
  
Both of us looked at each other and said,   
  
It was an ordeal thing for the two of us to work on our homework together, mainly because we were in the same classes or had the same teachers if we weren't. We always would choose chemistry over math because of our teacher, who would skin us alive if we didn't finish our homework.  
  
I don't understand this, Taichi said, groaning as he thumped his head against my shoulder.  
  
For a moment, my heart sped up a beat and caused me to stop breathing. I forced myself to calm down immediately and sighed. You just opened your book.  
  
I know, Taichi said pathetically.  
  
I spent the next few minutes attempting to help my poor sibling to at least pass the test that we would be faced with in a matter of weeks. Not to mention, have complete homework so that he wouldn't be stuck in detention.  
  
Think that Mr. Dontaoji thinks I copy your homework?  
  
I laughed softly and nodded. But you don't copy Most of the time, anyway.  
  
Why is it that you smell so good and I don't?  
  
What kind of bizarre question is that? I asked, lifting my shoulder in an attempt to get his head off. No such luck.  
  
Just something I was thinking about. We use the same shampoo, but my hair never smells the same. He finally lifted his head and looked down at the page on his lap. Oh, I get it now.  
  
Do you really?  
  
No, but it's good enough for me.  
  
***  
  
My brother and I had a love-take relationship. I would make myself a nice, healthy lunch; he would take it.   
  
Taichi! Give it back to me now!  
  
But it's so much better than mine, he said, laughing as he held the paper bag tightly against his chest.  
  
I chased him down the stairs of our apartment building and followed him through the lobby doors. Just because your sandwiches are disgusting doesn't mean you can take mine!  
  
Hey, mine aren't disgusting! Yours are just better than mine!   
  
I finally slowed to a walk and crossed my arms, grumbling as I crossed the street. Taichi was waiting for me on the other side, grinning like a chesmiere cat.  
  
Fine, you can have it back, he said, his hand extended, holding the brown paper bag.  
  
I reached forward to grab it, but Taichi held it behind his back. What gives? I asked angrily.  
  
You have to ask your big brother pretty please' first.  
  
Pretty please?  
  
  
  
A jelly filled marshmallow on top, I finished, receiving my lunch safely back in my possession.  
  
Taichi broke into fits of laughter and we continued our path to school, talking about nothing really. I smiled as I looked at him; I found his carefree nature so intriguing. We were two different people, yet had many similarities. When I thought about it, we fit like two pieces in a small puzzle of our own box. His carefree nature with goofy quotes, whilst my composed nature with sarcastic comebacks. The only time I was as carefree as my dear brother was when I was writing lyrics or practicing my bass guitar.  
  
We reached the school within a few minutes, Taichi speeding away towards his soccer buddies to start a short game before the bell rung. I surveyed the area, trying to locate my band mates. Frowning, I couldn't detect them and wandered inside the building, spotting them around Kenta's locker.  
  
Hey Yamato, Shou said. Where's big head?  
  
He was referring to Taichi. He and Taichi didn't get along very well for some preposterous reason and always threw insults at each other. It puzzled us other four members of the band and we pursued the issue dozens of times, but never found out why.  
  
He's outside playing soccer. Turning, there was an unexpectant gleam within another one of my band mates', Ren, eyes. What's up with you?  
  
I was waiting for everyone to be here to tell you the news, he said happily, chirping slightly.   
  
Well go on, tell us, Kenta said. We don't have all day, although I do have first class with you.  
  
We have a gig set for Saturday!  
  
I raised my eyebrow. That's the great news?  
  
He nodded and clasped his hands together.   
  
We have one at least every week, Kairu said, backhanding Ren on the back of his head.  
  
He yelped and scowled as Kairu. You didn't allow me to finish!  
  
Go on then, Shou said.  
  
I made my father contact one of the directors of the local music company and one of them is coming to watch! We may even get a record deal!  
  
No way! Kenta shrieked, shoving Ren against the lockers.  
  
He nodded, rubbing his now sore shoulder. It wasn't his fault Kenta had violent urgencies.  
  
I can't believe this! Expectant surges of excitement flowed through my veins as the four people I held deeply to my heart hugged each other happily.   
  
What's going on? Taichi asked, peering his head over my shoulder.  
  
If it isn't Mr. Bighead.  
  
I was surprised when Taichi ignored Shou and turned his attention to Kenta, the one he got along with best. Perhaps it was the fact that they both had uncanny large amounts of hair and tended to be rough at times.  
  
A person from the record company is coming and we may get a record deal, I said, subconsciously smiling.   
  
That's great. He threw his arms around me and I obliged merrily, wrapping my arms around his sturdy frame.  
  
It is My heart began rapidly beating, causing my chest to tighten and a warm feeling spread to my groin.  
  
I'll come for sure!  
  
The bell rung after that, signally us to head towards our classes. Taichi and I had chemistry first and I realized we were both going to be late due to the interruption of the good news. He waited patiently as I located my books, telling me about the move he did to score against his friend, Naoki. I merely nodded, hardly hanging on any word he was saying. Instead, I intently studied my brother, bewildered of the feelings I had for him.  
  
I was attracted to my own brother.   
  
**End of Chapter 1**  
  
I know it's not much right now, but it will be in the future.


	2. Tangle in the Night

Disclaimer - I don't own Digimon.   
  
Special Note: I apologize for overreacting. I'm horrible for that. When I found out FFN was deleting NC-17 fics, I freaked out and was immediately lashing out because of the disruption. I'm like that, just ask my girlfriend. So yeah I'm **_not_** leaving FFN, but will just be posting less frequently, and that's even due to a lack of time (though not this story. To tell the truth, I have it written up to chapter 12 =P). Anyway, I hope you still read this and don't judge me on the basis that I was seeking attention because I really wasn't. I have an anxiety problem and like I said before, tend to overreact to things. Well since no one is probably reading this, just read the fic and leave me a review ^-^  
  
* i n c o h e r e n t * –– I'm not going to leave FFN for sure, just post here less, but count on seeing my stories at fandomination.net (under the name of Crysie) and at mediaminer.org (under the name of Sapphire Goddess). ^-^  
  
Oh, and out of request of my dear friend, Happy Lil Slasher, the ages of them are roughly 17 and they're in their last year of high school, leaving Hikari in her first year.   
  
**Unspeakable  
Chapter 2: Tangle in the Night**  
  
  
Observing the crowd before me, I moved forward slightly so that my mouth hovered before the microphone.   
  
This next song is to a very special person, I said, quickly looking down at my fingers as they stroked my bass guitar.  
  
My eyes lifted to meet with Taichi's as I sung, noticing him sitting with our friends, Sora and Koushiro. They were glancing left and right, whilst Taichi and I held eye contact for a few moments.   
  
The small Café was filled to its maximum, hardly leaving any seats for onlooking passerbyers. Many of the people were recognized as fans from my school and others were probably from the local college a few blocks east of here. There was a man sitting in the corner, looking much more formal than the other customers. He was staring intently at the five of us on stage, rubbing the side of his coffee cup with his left hand whilst writing something on a note pad with his right.  
  
The sudden awareness jolted me, resulting in an off-key sound passing through the speakers. Mentally cursing, I didn't allow the distraction bring me down. I couldn't be responsible for my band not succeeding with this record deal.  
  
Meeting my eyes with Taichi once more, I began to sing into the microphone, using his presence as a fuel of inspiration. The rest of the song went along smoothly, ending with appreciative clapping as it ended. I smiled and bowed respectively, turning to help pack up our instrument with everyone else.  
  
Sorry for the screw up, I said, sighing as I gently set my guitar in its case.  
  
Screw up? What screw up? Ren asked, his hands up in the air. It had always been his way of dealing with the unfavorable; act as if it didn't happen.  
  
Kairu rolled his eyes and placed a hand on my shoulder. Don't worry about it.  
  
I noticed the usual poetry readers beginning to set up their own stools and other such things. Glancing back, most of the crowd was purchasing more coffee and lattés to sip on during the poetry session. Taichi smiled and waved, and I returned the notion.  
  
So when do we find out about the deal? Shou asked.  
  
I'm not sure, Ren said, frowning. He glanced past me, as if hoping the man would come on cue like it always happened in the movies. Hopefully he'll find us and give us word.  
  
Well if he doesn't end up talking to us, obviously that means a defeat, Kenta said. He began taking our loaded stuff towards his dark blue van that had painted graffiti on the back. My mother always frowned upon it because it was a swear word, but it couldn't be helped because none of us had the money to help Kenta paint over it.  
  
I glanced up to see the man walking towards the door. He's leaving.  
  
He's probably meeting us out back, Ren said. After a moment, he frowned. I think I'll run after him.  
  
I nodded and watched him descend. Picking up my guitar case, I walked off the small stage and stole a seat next to Taichi.  
  
You were wonderful out there! he said, placing a hand on top of my arm. It was warm, comforting, nonetheless. It gave that excitement in my heart that I loved, but must conceal.  
  
I screwed up on my solo bit. Frowning slightly, I took a hold of Taichi's coffee cup and sipped it. My face screwed tightly and I set it down. It's so tasteless.  
  
Well excuse me if I don't like black coffee, he said, shaking his head. His hand rubbed softly on my arm, and he seemed unaware of how it was making me feel.  
  
Where's Kou and Sora?  
  
They had to leave. Think I can catch a ride with you guys?   
  
I nodded and motioned for him to stand. We should find them, then.  
  
As we walked through the back entrance, grim faces wore on my band mates. They shuffled their feet as I asked the impending question of: We didn't get the record deal, did we?  
  
Kairu shook his head, sighing loudly. Ren gave us this note.   
  
I peered down to see Kairu grasping a white piece of paper. Probably the one I had witnessed the man writing on. What does it say?  
  
You better not look, Ren said, earning himself a stab in the gut from Kairu.  
  
Why not? I asked. Is it my entire fault we didn't get it?  
  
Of course not! Kenta said. He turned to Kairu. If he's ever going to become a better bass player, then let him read it.  
  
Unwillingly, Kairu handed the note to me. I took it, stepping back under the dim light the street lamp provided.  
  
_Teenage Wolves  
Lack incentive  
Drummer out of beat  
Guitarist good  
1st bass good  
Lead singer has nice voice  
Lead singer needs to learn to play his bass   
Keyboardist satisfactory_  
  
Blinking, I crumbled the note and threw it on the ground. I'm sorry.  
  
Yamato, we're just young. None of us expected to be good enough, Ren said softly.  
  
I did and I was the worst out of the lot of you.  
  
No, you weren't! He said you have a nice voice. We all need to work on our performance. Good' isn't enough and neither is satisfactory'. So far, you got the best comment, Shou said.  
  
You know they're right, Yama, Taichi said. Now let's go home. It's freezing!  
  
Forcing a smile, I climbed into the van next to Kairu. I sat on his lap momentarily until Taichi came in. I proceeded to sit on his lap because Kairu was much to skinny to hold me, even though I was known to be light as a feather.  
  
he asked.  
  
I nodded and leaned back against him, closing my eyes until the tires screeched in a motion of movement. Thoughts of vexation drifted through my mind until the tires screeched again in a moment of pause. At first, I thought Kenta almost drove through a red light, but realized we were already home. Perhaps I almost fell asleep. Taichi shifted underneath me, and as I tried to stand myself, the attemption was failure. Suddenly, I was being picked up. Taichi was carrying me! He must have assumed I was asleep.  
  
I peaked my eyes open, staring as Taichi pressed the button for the elevator. When we were inside, he sighed and chuckled softly. Confused, I looked up at him.  
  
You're up, he said, smiling as he set me to my feet.   
  
I nodded and yawned, leaning against his shoulder. Usually, I would keep rigid when Taichi made any signs of affections––always had the fear that I might become aroused or do something that isn't normal––but was too tired to care. Thinking about it, everything I feel for Taichi is abnormal.  
  
The elevator made the annoying bell sound, signaling that we reached our desired floor. Taichi took out the keys and put a finger to his mouth before unlocking the door. Walking inside, it was completely dark. Taichi waited until I was in before he shut the door, engulfing us both into utter darkness. The light from the window was hardly an assistance, for it was much too late outside for it to even have any light possessed.  
  
Coffee table! he whispered, taking a hold of my wrist.  
  
I stuck my foot out, feeling one of the legs to the wooden table.   
  
I continued to walk through the room, towards the hallway. Taichi's grasp was still on my own, reminding me of where things were. Perhaps my drowsiness was too overwhelming. At one point, I almost ran into the wall, which caused Taichi to sigh.  
  
That's it! he whispered loudly. I suddenly felt my small frame being scooped into his stronger one, lifting me tucked into his chest for the second time that night. You are a klutz!  
  
I am not, I said, allowing my head to fall against his chest.  
  
Yes you are, he said. Lucky for you it isn't me who's tired because I don't think you could pick me up.  
  
I smiled and opened my eyes, noticing the pink pin on one of the doors. Hikari's room was next to ours. Before I realized it, I was being set in the bottom bunk.   
  
Sleep well, Taichi said, leaning forward and planting a soft kiss on my forehead.   
  
Perhaps it was the drowsiness, or maybe the atmosphere, but I did something most unexpected for the both of us. Reaching forward, I cupped my hands around his cheeks. Slowly, I pulled his face down to mine and kissed him very gently on the lips. As I pulled away, a mere gasp escaped my throat. Taichi said nothing. He proceeded to stand and take off his shirt before climbing the short ladder to his own bed. I simply watched as a pair of pants sailed past my bunk, landing on the floor with hardly a noise to spare.   
  
Trying to fall asleep was difficult, for I couldn't stop imagining Taichi's half nude under the covers. Nor could I escape the images that I wanted to occur.  
  
***  
  
The next morning, my mother told me to awaken Taichi. I expected him to say something about the recent night, but he never spoke about it. Instead, he greeted me with his usual grogginess and went into the washroom to shower.  
  
By this point, I knew something was wrong with me. Never before did I think I would actually begin wanting my brother in such a forbidden way. It was also beginning to become unbearable for me to conceal those feelings, for he was so beautiful.  
  
**End of Chapter 2**  
  
Like this story? Sorry if you don't. 


	3. Untouchable Words

Disclaimer - I don't own Digimon.   
  
Thank you for the many reviews ^-^ If you would like to be e-mailed when I get a new chapter out, just tell me in a review and I'd be pleased to do that.  
  
  
**Unspeakable  
Chapter 3: Untouchable Words  
**  
  
They were all gone. Left me alone with nothing but my thoughts.   
  
I couldn't be more grateful.  
  
My mother's sister called and told her to come into the country for the day. Not really feeling in the mood to go, I attempted wiggling out of it, but with no avail. Taichi sensed the need for solitude and told our mother that I had a special report to do for our biology class, which she had accepted. So here I was, sitting in the bottom of my bunk, sipping a bottle of whiskey and thinking of nothing but my brother.  
  
His deep brown eyes, overpowering with love and care. His wild brown hair, proving he has an untamed nature within. I couldn't help but wonder what he would be like in bed. Caring and gentle or untamed and wild. Two completely different sets of aspects that made such a difference, yet belonged to the same person.  
  
Inhaling deeply, I screamed outloud. Screamed until my lungs hurt and I realized it was going to affect my singing if I continued. The thoughts I have were considered dirty, forbidden and sinful––everything my mother and father raised us children not to be. And here I was, having the most peculiar thoughts about my own _brother_.  
  
It's like that story with the character _Oedipus_, who slept with his mother unknowingly and killed his father in the same ignorance. He also had children with his mother. Except, unlike him, he was sorry for what he had done. He was ignorant in his actions. I, however, want to sleep with my brother.  
  
If someone were to try converting me to Catholicism, I would have to laugh, for I no longer carry my virginity. I've had a boyfriend before, who I slept with; he broke up with me the very next day. There had been so much pain when that occurred, so much misery that I could not merely keep it a secret. I was embarrassed beyond all reason when I had told Taichi, who had comforted me as I cried upon his shoulder. He then looked in my eyes and told me that it wasn't my fault and that it was the jerk who did that to me. Of course I see that now, but at the time, I relied on Taichi for support. And when he looked in my eyes, I felt something else there.  
  
Love. A different kind of love I usually felt from him. I suddenly saw him in a different way; suddenly wanted to see the body under his clothes, although I had before, but for a different reason. I wanted to kiss Taichi.  
  
That was when it first began, which was four months ago. Each day, the feelings and urges grew a little more, almost to the point where it was unbearable to control them. I failed to, though, the night of my unfavorable playing that cost us the record deal. It occurred two weeks ago, but every feeling when I kissed him was fresh in my mind. The emotions of feeling his soft lips upon my own, my hands cupping his warm cheeks in place, and the feeling of his own hands placing themselves on my shoulders sent me chills every time I thought about it.  
  
Sighing, I stood and wandered into the kitchen to fetch myself a glass of water. Realizing that screaming isn't the best way to let out frustration, I located my bass guitar when going back into my room. I hadn't touched it since the night of our recent gig, finding myself with a hovering guilt every moment I laid eyes upon the instrument. However, the need for my fingers to strum was too overwhelming for me to just give up on it. I set down my water and picked up the worn instrument.   
  
It exhibited a deep scratch on the side from a time Hikari had knocked it off Taichi's top bunk, and a chip off the wood from Taichi one time, mistaking it for a wood carving.  
  
Many didn't believe it when I told them, but Taichi liked to carve wood. We have a few things around the bedroom of his creation. Animals, little sceneries etched into flat rocks, and even a few dwarf looking people. None of those were my favorite. One sat on the nightstand next to our bunk bed. It was a beautiful light wood, most likely obtained from an oak or birch tree. It was a carving of my guitar. It was much smaller than my actual bass guitar, of course, but it was still there, seemingly a reminder of his compassion in understanding my music. It was a hope. A warm feeling that he was there for me, in a way none else could be.   
  
Perhaps it had to do with my feelings toward him.   
  
I sighed and leaned against the wall of where I sat on my bed, clutching my bass guitar very loosely, for no one was around to cause a stern protectiveness to wash upon me. Unaware of how tired I really was, I closed my eyes in thinking I was to rest them for a few minutes, only to fall into a deep slumber with the early afternoon sun poking its way into my room.  
  
***  
  
A smile subconsciously proceeded onto my face as I groaned at the touch of warm hands against my sides. Feeling quite pleasant, I opened my eyes to find Taichi standing above me. His hands left my body and he stole a seat on the chair at our desk that is hardly used.   
  
Morning sleepyhead.  
  
It's morning? I asked, yawning as I stretched my arms and moved aside my guitar. As I placed it onto the floor, Taichi snorted.  
  
No. It's evening now. I think someone is making us dinner.  
  
Always thinking about food, I said, laughing absentmindedly.  
  
He smiled warmly and said, I have something for you.  
  
Ugh. Please don't tell me it's another ugly orange sweater from Aunt Haruka!   
  
Taichi laughed and shook his head. Thankfully, no. Although, when I was fetching something she had requested, I noticed brown yarn coming out of her basket.  
  
My nose innately wrinkled and I placed my hand out. May I _please_ just have whatever you brought me?  
  
Nodding, he reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out two white tubes, tossing one to me. I caught it, holding it to my chest and exhaling deeply. Thank you, I whispered.  
  
I opened my eyes to see his smile of understanding as he lit his and tossed me the lighter. As I sparked my own, he got up and opened the window so that we wouldn't be caught because of the smell. There had been too many times where we were almost caught One too many for the both of our likings.  
  
Inhaling the gift, I fixed my eyes on Taichi, who seemed to be fighting himself to say something. When achieving the courage, he asked, So who was the song dedicated to?  
  
Why do you ask? Despite having the little wonder of harmony, an anxious rock hit the pit of my stomach, causing me to tremble slightly.  
  
Because Koushiro and Sora asked me to ask you, he said. As if knowing it was him, he tilted his head and said, Or is it something unspeakable?  
  
I said instantly, grateful that he answered his own question.  
  
Shun left a message, probably after you fell asleep. He probably requesting a threesome again.   
  
He's much too wild for his own good, I said, noting Taichi agreeing with me.   
  
For a few moments, a silence reigned as we both continued relinquishing our cigarettes. His body slouched forward, resting on his knees, all but patting the ashes into a tin can. I was just allowing mine to fall onto my bed, keeping in mind to clean it up later.  
  
Tell me what's eating you.  
  
I glanced up at the unexpected request, wondering where to start. I always did have Taichi to listen whilst I spoke. He was there for me in so many different ways   
  
I ruined it on Saturday. It was my fault.  
  
Oh Yamato, we've been over this already. It's not your fault. Taichi, sighing for reasons I was unsure of, stood and put out the worn cigarette. Besides, I don't think that's all that's on your mind.  
  
What do you know? I snapped, taking the cigarette out of my mouth and holding it to the side. I have guilt every time I lay my eyes upon my bass.  
  
Even so, I still know there's something else.  
  
It's unspeakable. Remember? My tone was full of dull remorse and the fact that my eyes were drooping probably made it look as if I was going to cry.  
  
So, what's on your mind is the person that you sung for. He began pacing. If he had a pipe, he would have looked like one of those great nineteenth century detectives.   
  
When did you become so smart? I asked, still using the lifeless tone of voice. I really surprised myself by using this tone, for it really did sound heartbreaking. I wasn't one to judge myself on this normally, but this was too strong not to notice.  
  
For being so smart, you can be really stupid, he said. Laughing at his own joke, he began grinning wildly at me.  
  
All I could do was burst into tears.  
  
Taichi rushed to the foot of the bed, kneeling in front of it. He took away the cigarette so that it wouldn't drop out of my fingers mistakenly and burn anything, setting it off to the side as doing so. After finishing that, he climbed onto the bed and wedged himself into the corner, against two walls. My eyes were blurry, but enough to see him motioning me to sit in between his legs. I did so, leaning into his loving embrace as he began rocking me back and forth.  
  
For what seemed hours, Taichi cradled me against his body. Soothing. It was the word to describe my emotion as he did this.   
  
Taichi not only stole my heart, but he tamed it.  
  
***  
  
The moon shone its beams through our bedroom window. There hadn't been any dinner for us, so Taichi and I stayed in here, curled up for endless hours. We still were, except we both stripped down into our boxers so that it would be more of comfortable night.  
  
As I shifted into a more favorable position, Taichi's hand moved so that it was resting on my crotch. I gulped, unsure of what to do. Needless to say, the hand felt nice there Gave that beloved warm feeling in the groin. I groaned, not only in pleasure, but in an annoyance. I was becoming extremely aroused and this wasn't the best time. I hadn't been in a relationship for months, nor masturbated in a few weeks. The testosterone levels must have risen, for I was now panting and gasping for breath. It ached and I wanted nothing more than to reach down and touch, but I was leaning on Taichi as he slept  
  
Glancing down, it dawned on me that the tent showing through my boxers _needed_ attention.  
  
I leaned comfortably against Taichi before I slipped my hand into my boxers, beginning to stroke softly. Naturally, I began pretending it was Taichi bringing me to ecstasy, but trying not to allow the fantasy to escape too loudly from my lips.   
  
I whispered, repeating it over and over again.   
  
I began thrusting into my hand, hardly pausing when Taichi shifted once more. Just as I thought I was going to come, I felt my hand being pried away from my erection. At first, nothing filled me except for disappointment. I was so close Then, I realized something else. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Taichi was wide awake. My chest tightened when I realized my brother caught me masturbating.  
  
He did something most unexpectedly.  
  
Reaching into my boxers, he picked up where I had left off before. Stroking me gently and then picking up speed then reducing it to a slow speed and taking off hastily once more It was a repeated motion, bringing me over the top a few minutes later. I felt guilty once my seed covered his hand, but he said nothing as he eased me off of him, stood up, grabbed a towel that was hanging on the door, and wiped the sticky mess off his hand.   
  
I cursed softly, glancing up at my brother. This isn't normal, I whispered.  
  
Taichi said nothing and eased himself into the same position he had been before. Simply exhausted, I laid against him once again, beginning to lose myself to sleep.  
  
We'll talk about it in the morning, Taichi said.  
  
It was the last thing I heard before falling into a deep, troubled sleep. Yet, I was satisfied.  
  
**End of Chapter 3.**  



	4. Hollow Desire

Disclaimer - I don't own Digimon.   
  
HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL CANADIANS!!! ^0^  
  
_Warning_: Yamato is partly OOC in this fic. Why? First, he was raised in a different family. Secondly, this family is very stable and he lives with his siblings and such, unlike in the series. So, you may see some differences within him.   
  
**Unspeakable  
Chapter 4: **Hollow Desire**  
  
**You two are so weird.  
  
At the startle of an unforeseen voice, my eyes shot open from the light sleep I must have been in. Hikari stood before the bed, looking both confused and curious. She was frozen in place, as if awakening her two brothers was a crime. Summoning some sort of strength, she told us of breakfast ready to be served, and had left the room abruptly.  
  
For a few awkward moments, Taichi and I remained silent, as if there wasn't a need for sound. Oh, how there was.  
  
Taichi pushed at my back as he eased himself from the place between my body and the wall. I merely watched as he did his routine of scratching his stomach, searching for clothes on the floor, and began making his way out of our room. It baffled me that he could act so casual, as if nothing out of the ordinary had occurred the previous night  
  
  
  
Taichi paused, although he didn't turn around. A few minutes crawled by, mainly filled with the sounds of breakfast being prepared in the next room.  
  
You said we would talk about it in the morning, I said, scolding myself mentally for sounding so pathetic. My voice sounded so child-like. Innocent. Too naïve for my own good.  
  
What is there to talk about? Taichi asked.   
  
I began, hesitant to find the right words and something to say. What occurred isn't normal.  
  
It may not have been, but that doesn't declare it speakable.  
  
Then when will we speak about it?   
  
Taichi sighed and his hand fell to his side. He sighed once more and shook his head slightly. I don't know.  
  
  
  
He decided to leave the room, deserting me with the guilt of the fornication that occurred in our bedroom. There may have been no penetration, but it wasn't exactly something considered normal in society. I just knew it had felt very, very lovely to have happened to my body. Just as it had with other lovers of mine, but it seemed so much more than an occasional fuck  
  
Perhaps that was another reason it was deemed unspeakable?  
  
***  
  
Yo Mato!  
  
I rolled my eyes and turned to find the rather annoying fan of mine, Shun. He seemed to find pleasure in greeting me by only using my name. I couldn't be more annoyed at Taichi, who was the one to come up with it in the first place and had carelessly said it in front of Shun. Now there was no mercy of it ever ceasing.  
  
Hey Shun.  
  
He slipped his arm around mine and grinned broadly. I have a proposition for you.  
  
Sighing, I asked, Will I want to hear it?  
  
Doesn't matter.  
  
What kind of answer is that? All right, tell me what your proposition is. And if it's trying to become a member of my band by fucking me, it isn't going to work, I said dryly.  
  
You had no complaints fucking me a month ago, he said, still grinning madly.   
  
For a moment, I wanted to slap it off his face, but thought better to. Besides, I knew he was right. Not that I actually had any feelings for him. He was just another attractive male in the world.  
  
So anyway, I hear your going to the club on Saturday and I was hoping l could actually accompany the Yo Mato.  
  
I merely rolled my eyes and leaned into Shun's embrace. You just want to fuck me, I taunted.  
  
He laughed and shook his head. Now Yamato, what do you take me for?  
  
A slut, I said truthfully.  
  
And you aren't one? he teased. Glancing at his wrist, he said, I gotta fly! See you Saturday!  
  
I frowned as I watched him descend. Many people did consider me the insult he mentioned because of my fondness for the male body. It wasn't a secret that I was gay, nor did I try hiding it. The people who were bothered must have hid it or were plotting some horrible incident against me; the people who didn't care were either the girls that still chased me endlessly, loving the fact that I was gay, or were the guys who wanted a piece of me.   
  
Hello? Ya-ma-to! Hello!  
  
I blinked at the hand waving in my face and looked up at Shou's tall frame.   
  
You okay?  
  
_Besides having a sexual encounter with my brother, fine_. I mentally slapped myself. As if I could say that. I'm fine.  
  
he said, because I don't want you to be upset about the gig.  
  
I'm not. So where's everyone else?  
  
At Kenta's locker. I left because Taichi is there, Shou said.  
  
It always amazed me by his bluntness in disliking Taichi. Why do you hate my brother?  
  
Shou shrugged. If you want to go see them, don't feel hesitant to ditch me.  
  
Actually, why don't you and I step outside?  
  
If Shou was surprised, he didn't show it. There was something about Shou that I always found peculiar. He always had this deeper understanding that I could relate to, which caused me to become rather fond of him.   
  
Besides that, I couldn't face Taichi right now. If he thought he was going to act normal around me at school and not talk about our situation, then he must be dreaming.  
  
***  
  
A good portion of the day was spent avoiding Taichi. It wasn't easy because of our classes together, but I managed it at lunch when he sat with his soccer buddies. Several times, I had felt his eyes leering on me, but I never made an attempt to make eye contact with him. After school, I didn't wait for him like I usually would and walked home by myself. It was rather lonely. People all around were laughing with their friends and deciding what to do next. The solitude was uncalled for at such a time, yet everything I was going through with Taichi caused me to feel opposite to that. It was like having the flu: being hot and cold at the same time.  
  
As I approached the door of my family's flat, it suddenly opened. Taichi's warm smile filled the short period of awkwardness between us.  
  
Sorry I didn't wait for you, but I couldn't find you so I left.  
  
A lie. I frowned but nodded, for Taichi's smile was far too convincing. He walked inside the empty apartment and I followed him, studying his physique from behind. All that he wore was a blue towel around his waist as he walked into our bedroom.  
  
Taking showers after school is unlike you, I said, taking a seat on my bed.  
  
I have a date with Nanami tonight. He grinned into the mirror so that I could see it in the reflection.  
  
I laid back onto my pillow and propped my head with my arms tucked underneath. Glancing over, I watched Taichi prepare for his date.  
  
He walked to our closet and pulled out two of his shirts. Which do you think I should wear? The black or blue?  
  
Depends on the colour of pants.  
  
I'm wearing my black ones.  
  
Then wear the black shirt. It'll make you look mysterious and sexy. A lump formed in my throat as Taichi slipped the shirt on. It was even proceeding to be more difficult of a task to breathe as Taichi let the towel drop to the ground, allowing his shirt to lightly cover his naked bottom half.   
  
Why do you do this to me? I asked, unable to keep my voice from wavering.  
  
Do what?   
  
I whispered. My hand motioned to his body and I couldn't help but glance downwards.  
  
Taichi had the nerve to laugh at me. Didn't think you were so intrigued by my body.  
  
I said nothing. I simply watched as he bent forward, bearing his naked body to my eager gaze, searched through the pile of clothes on the floor for boxers, and covered his flesh with a pair of boxers that belonged to myself.   
  
The one thought that came to mind from all of this was that I would not wash those boxers when Taichi returned in the morning.  
  
Hey, mind if you go away?  
  
I snapped my head up to find him fully dressed with a smile on his face. Excuse me?  
  
Nanami is coming here and since Mom, Dad, and Hikari are off to the movies, I was hoping you would leave too.  
  
I wouldn't mind, I said, willing myself to not add because I don't want to hear you fucking Nanami whilst being in the next room'. I have a band practice tonight anyway.  
  
It was the truth. I had almost forgotten until Taichi mentioned his wanting to have the flat to himself.  
  
Give my greetings to Shou, would you?  
  
I stared at him, too baffled to think of anything to say. A good few minutes must have passed before I blinked. Was that a sarcastic remark?  
  
Taichi turned from the mirror he had been brushing his hair in. That's for you to figure out.  
  
Before leaving to meet my band mates, I stayed inside the room whilst my brother was preparing for his date. I stared at him with full admiration. Admiration that led to an adoration. Adoration that led to absolute desire.  
  
Desire to have my brother take me like he would with Nanami.  
  
  
**End of Chapter 4**  
  
  
Oooh the next chapter is so much fun! ^^


	5. Beautiful People

Disclaimer - I don't own Digimon.   
  
You learn about a bit of the band on this chapter, and something major happens at the end which sets _everything_ for future chapters.   
  
**Unspeakable  
Chapter 5: Beautiful People  
  
**  
The usual laughing by Kenta could be heard a mile away. It was always baffling to understand how he could laugh so hard and loud, that I could actually hear him three blocks away whilst being on the ground. He lived with his parents on the third floor.  
  
Shou was the opposite of Kenta. He wasn't violent, loud, and obnoxious, oddly similar enough to my brother. He also had a careful consideration for words and never allowed himself to speak out of place unless he understood what was being asked. The way Shou was so hastily annoyed with Taichi all of the time had me curious. There must have been some sort of reason Everyone else wondered too, especially Kairu. He had quite the habit of intruding in other's affairs, which always offended the peacemaker Ren was. Shou believed that if we never made it as a band, Ren would move to New York and become apart of the United Nations.   
  
With careful consideration of Kenta's neighbors, I didn't bang on the door like Kenta or Kairu might on any other night. In a matter of moments, the door opened with Shou peaking out.  
  
He greeted me warmly and told me of us taking a walk to the park instead.  
  
Why aren't we practicing? I asked, tightening my grip on the leather strap of my bass guitar's case.  
  
Kairu's down so we thought we wouldn't tonight, he said.  
  
What's wrong?   
  
He took one last peak inside the apartment before taking a stand beside me with the door closed. Parents are splitting.  
  
For a moment, neither of us spoke. We wandered over to the railings and peered over, lost in thought.  
  
His entire world must be crashing down, I said, receiving a nod from Shou. We all knew it would happen, though. The family was too perfect  
  
And perfect things never last forever.  
  
Then I'm glad it happened, I whispered. It isn't fair any other way, as selfish as I am being.  
  
We better comfort him anyway, Shou said. He hesitated before leaving my side, and a moment later, the door clicked. I sighed and followed him inside.  
  
So are we going to the park or what? I asked.  
  
Hey Yamato, Kairu said. He looked as if he had been crying for a decade and a half.  
  
You gonna be okay? I didn't expect any answer but a nod. When Kairu's head lifted and fell, I smiled in satisfaction.  
  
Let's go to the back gate. We can sit on the wall. I stole some of my father's liquor, Kenta said.   
  
To my surprise––probably the others, as well––Kenta began tossing us each a bottle. I somehow managed to catch mine, thanking Taichi mentally for making me play softball with him dozens of times as children, but Ren didn't and it landed on the floor with a crash. Shou's slipped out of his grasp as well, but it fell on the couch. I watched his dark red hair slip over his face as he picked it up, using the milky hands he owned. One time when we compared our hands, we found each other with similar skin tones, which always thrilled us.   
  
Geez Ren, can you not at least catch anything? Kenta asked dryly.  
  
How much has he drank? I whispered to Shou.  
  
Nothing, surprisingly. I think he's just excited that his parents are out for the weekend.  
  
I nodded and focused my glance upon Kairu, who still, unsurprisingly, looked miserable. I leaned over the couch and whispered into his ear, Trust me, everything will get better, even if it doesn't look like that right now.  
  
He smiled and closed his eyes, inhaling deeply. Let's go downstairs.  
  
You heard Kairu, let's go, I said, gripping my liquor bottle as I made my way to the door. Isn't your father going to freak when he notices his liquor missing?   
  
Nah, I'll tell him Tsubasa had taken it, Kenta laughed in response.  
  
Kairu even managed to laugh with the rest of us, for Tsubasa was Kenta's year older brother and unmistaken, a perfectionist. He would do nothing of the sort, nor ever be accused of such a thing. Except by Kenta. Only, his parents never believed him. He was deemed unimportant in the family by his parents and they hardly ever paid attention to him. Most of the time, it seemed as though he never even existed. It never seemed to get to Kenta. His dark features were never unnerving at school and the only time he did show such feelings was when he became violent.   
  
Soon, we were all perched on the cement wall blocking off an alley. A liquor bottle was held in each of our grasps', although it was being downed quickly.  
  
So, what do you have against Taichi? Kenta asked as he turned to face Shou, who sat on the other side of me.  
  
If you think that me drinking this in any way is going to get you an answer, _you_ must be the one that's tipsy, Shou said a matter of factly, flashing a grin at me.  
  
We all let out a loud laugh before falling into a comfortable silence.  
  
So what made them decide to split? Ren asked quietly, as if speaking any louder might earn him a negative snap back at him.  
  
I didn't know that that my mother was cheating on him, came the muffled reply from beneath the hands that covered his face.  
  
I don't think any of us could help but gasp. It was unfair of us to, but it couldn't be helped. Everything had seemed so perfect in that family. Perhaps too perfect. Perfection has a way of getting to people and turning them exactly opposite of the word. The case must have been for Kairu's mother, for she had everything that could be dreamt about for many years.  
  
It's a pity. Your father is nice, Kenta said at last, after a few moments of an unfavorable silence.  
  
Immediately, I knew Kairu would be enraged. Enraged being an understatement.  
  
How dare you! He screamed, How dare you!  
  
Go jack off! Kenta snapped, jumping to the ground. He almost fell, but managed to land on his feet.   
  
Don't talk about my mother that way!  
  
Well at least your father doesn't fuck around with your mother while abusing her! At least he is an honorable man, one your mother at least should have felt lucky with! He began to cry. I had never seen Kenta cry in my entire life, not even when his arm had been sliced open in a cooking accident. Your father never hits you either!  
  
Kairu looked pale stricken. His eyes never left Kenta as he jumped from the cement wall, nor did he look necessarily sympathetic. He still looked rather upset. His fist raised and Kenta blinked, probably knew that he was about to be punched. Instead, Kairu fell into Kenta's embrace and began crying. Kenta cried with him, and together, their wails rang the alley.  
  
I glanced at Shou, who smiled and jumped from the cement wall. Ren followed in suit and then I jumped.   
  
Do you want to come stay with me for a while? Ren asked.  
  
Kenta shook his head. There's no point. Things won't ever change. It's just the way things are, no biggie.  
  
It is a big deal, Kairu said. You are important––too all of us.  
  
There had been a silent agreement between us, for no words needed to be spoken. It had been something the five of us found rather comforting in one another. Words seemed empty––satisfying to the naïve eye.   
  
Hey, I should get going, I said. Anyone have a blunt on them?  
  
Shou fished around in his pocket and pulled a cigarette out, handing it to me. Anxious? Stressed?  
  
I shrugged and moved closer to both Kenta and Kairu. I gave them both a kiss on the cheek and bid them each a good night before descending from the alley. My flat was only four blocks away, so I immediately lit my bringer of relaxation as I walked the streets. Briefly I pondered if I should run back and grab my guitar from Kenta's apartment, but decided against it. It would be better if I just went home. Besides, my mother and father should already be there and Nanami should also be long gone.  
  
It was to no surprise that Kenta was hit. The words had never been spoken aloud before tonight, but because of his violent tendencies, it was only a matter of time before we all accepted it.   
  
As I approached our apartment building, I had taken to notice that my mother and father's car was still not in their parking spot.  
  
Briskly, I jogged up the stairs until I reached the front door. I wondered if this meant Nanami was still here. The smoke was still held in my fingers as I leaned against the door and slid against it as I sat on the ground. My head automatically tilted back with blonde locks tumbling over my shoulders. Dreamily, I sighed and closed my eyes whilst taking an inhale of the white gift.  
  
It seemed like an eternity had passed as I sat there, breathing in and out with the tobacco. It was mind numbing and peaceful; everything had been blocked out, including the sounds of traffic and usual arguing from the neighbors.  
  
A moan escaped my throat, which caused a startle uptake in my chest. It was just like me to moan in pleasure when comfortable.   
  
  
  
I froze at the voice. Swiftly, I glided my hand with the cigarette behind my back, but there wasn't any point in denying it.   
  
My parents caught me smoking. They never accepted it. They wouldn't care if someone was a gay stripper, but couldn't allow smoking in their presence. Especially from their son.   
  
I swallowed and glanced up at the angry face of my mother and father. I'm sorry  
  
Why would you do such a filthy thing to your lungs? my mother cried out.  
  
It's my body, I said simply, shifting my eyes downwards.  
  
Give me that. My father plucked the cigarette from my grasp and threw it over the balcony. He then turned the key into the knob and proceeded to step over my shoulder and walk inside the apartment. I told you to never smoke, Yamato! Taichi doesn't, so why should you? This is the second time I caught you! The _second!_  
  
I glanced up at my mother before standing and walking into the apartment that I would now dread for the next few weeks. They would ground me. It was predictable. I suppose I won't be fucking Shun on Saturday anymore.  
  
Taichi, get out here! my father roared, proceeding over to the bedroom.  
  
Nanami was in there. I knew it. Simply, I watched as my father opened the door and yelped. My mother ran to my father's side and began screaming. She screamed until she began crying. Then she ran to her room sobbing of her family being shameful.   
  
Get dressed and leave this house this instant!  
  
A few minutes passed until Nanami ran out of the apartment pale looking and near tears. She hardly waved to me before running messily out the door with her shirt on backwards.  
  
I have a slut and smoker in the family. Great. Just great, my father said. He buried his head in his hands and sighed deeply.  
  
Taichi came out of the room in boxers. I expected him to be afraid looking, but he had a bitter calmness that I was afraid of. As he took a seat next to me on the couch, he glared at me. I didn't understand why, but didn't have much time to contemplate it before my father spoke.  
  
You have both upset your mother very much. You're grounded for the next three weeks. No dates, people over, telephone use, television use, and you're only allowed to use the computer for school purposes. You are to come home right after school. Is that understood?  
  
I said, far too quickly and eagerly for my liking.   
  
Taichi glared at me. I suddenly had the feeling it wouldn't be best to spend three weeks with him in our bedroom. As much as I wanted it, it may not be for the better.  
  
  
**End of Chapter 5.  
  
** Wait until next chapter ^-~ It's a fun chapter! And please review because it would make my day =)


	6. Retorting Brotherhood

Disclaimer - I don't own Digimon.   
  
Thanks to everyone who read the last chapter and reviewed. I appreciated it ^^  
  
**Unspeakable  
Chapter 6: Retorting Brotherhood  
**  
_Tick, tock. Tick, tock. Tick, tock.  
  
_Until now, I never realized just how annoying my clock really was. The ticking never ceased. It wasn't supposed to, but I felt as if sanity was leaving my body and flying out of the open window.  
  
Sighing, I forced the attention I was giving to the clock on Taichi. It was a little over three hours after our punishment was laid, and Taichi was _still_ not talking to me. He had glared at me for the first hour afterwards, but then we turned out the light to sleep.  
  
We were both wide awake.  
  
Are you ever going to talk to me again? I asked.  
  
  
  
I'm sorry. Why won't you?  
  
Do you have any idea what it's like to have your parents walk in on you while shagging? Taichi asked with a shaking voice. I suddenly realized he had been crying.  
  
Well, no, I admitted, sighing.   
  
Then don't assume.  
  
I never did.  
  
If you hadn't been caught smoking, none of this would have happened! He hissed.  
  
We have been through this! I snapped, They would have caught you no matter what because if I hadn't been there, they would have gone inside our room to check up on us! It was your fault for keeping Nanami in our room for so long!  
  
Taichi never retorted. He didn't accept it the first three times when we went over this, and he wasn't about to anyway. If I knew my brother well, he didn't like being defeated. Being wrong.   
  
I whispered. I  
  
Taichi sighed loudly. I'm not mad at you anymore.  
  
Even with that reassurance, it didn't stop the tears that were falling down my face. I wanted nothing more than to be held by Taichi, to be soothed like a few nights ago.  
  
Do you need me, Yamato?  
  
Hold me.  
  
Taichi carefully climbed down the wooden ladder of our bunk bed. He crept into my bed and lifted the covers so that I could snuggle in between his legs and sleep there with him. His hand accidentally bumped over the tears that had been falling. Gently, he wiped them away dry before rocking me slowly.  
  
You know that I love you, don't you? His voice was low and husky, and I sensed he was fighting his own tears.  
  
Yes. You know the same, don't you?  
  
Taichi let a sob out that I took for a . I couldn't help but allow my own sobs to fill the air along with his. I needed to cry. It was for everything––everything that I couldn't handle. The unknown.   
  
My beloved brother cried with me until we were too tired to carry on and our throats ached rawly. We then fell into a peaceful sleep in each other's arms.  
  
***  
  
Three weeks together, Taichi stated as he entered the bedroom. Mom and Dad don't want us out there even when we're home. They said to only come out when breakfast, lunch, and dinner is made.  
  
I suppose I should go get my personals out of the washroom if I'm too survive, I said, tossing the covers off my legs.  
  
Oh brother, he said. You're not even going out, so what's the point?  
  
Does school ring a bell? Besides, I'd rather be taken for good to maybe be ungrounded earlier.   
  
Taichi frowned slightly, which caused me to frown. Dearly, I wished I hadn't even said that. Not only was it untrue, but it caused an awkward silence to fall between us.  
  
In an attempt to mend things without speaking of it, I asked, So, what should we do then?  
  
We did get the chemistry lab write up assigned today, Taichi said, sighing.  
  
My memory scanned to first period, when our teacher had assigned the lab write up. Of course, I went with Taichi. The class was oblivious to me, though, and I had almost hurt Taichi's feelings when he had asked me if I wanted to be his partner and I didn't reply because I was in a haze of thinking of the recent night. We hadn't cried together in ages. It was like a new beginning of our brotherhood. Who said I wanted to be brothers with him, though? More than anything I wish I wasn't part of his family, but his best friend only.  
  
––Yamato! Stop zoning out on me!  
  
Oh right. Sorry, I said, smiling apologetically. Then let's do it.  
  
Do it Taichi repeated slowly. He seemed in a trace for a moment or two, before shrugging out of it.  
  
so do you want to then?  
  
I'd love to, he said, immediately taking a seat next to me. Just as his hand fell to mine, a knock on the door startled us.  
  
Hikari poked her head in and she stuck out her tongue. You're lucky Mom and Dad dropped me off at Miyako's house or else I would have seen you naked, Taichi!  
  
Bugger off, was all he said.  
  
After sticking out her tongue and mocking Taichi once more, she obeyed and shut the door. I turned to Taichi and said, You should be glad.  
  
I know.  
  
So, should we get started on our chem then?  
  
Chemistry. Right. His hand left mine and he reached for his bag.  
  
I knew the inclination of what he thought I meant before. It was hard not to see, being a teenager male who's known to sleep around and make crude remarks at times. Taichi is my brother, though. As much as I wanted his hands to roam my body, there was that nagging in the back of my mind that stopped me from going any further.  
  
I think Taichi has the same nagging.  
  
And it's an unspeakable issue.  
  
***  
  
The long hours of doing our homework finally ceased (actually, of _me_ doing the work and Taichi copying while in the midst of carving a latest wood piece) with the two of us sprawled on my bed, limbs tangled within one an other's. I allowed my eyes to drift close briefly, for now it was a little passed ten.   
  
You know, Mr. Dontaoji assigns _way_ too much, Taichi stated. How long were we doing this for?  
  
Two and a half hours. Forget it, though. This semester is almost over anyway and we won't ever have chemistry again.  
  
Thank God, we both chorused. A small smile tugged on my lips. The smile turned into an open mouthed one, which proceeded to allow loud laughter to escape my body. My lithe body could almost not handle the amount of sniggering I was exploiting, for it was shaking uncontrollably with each passing second.  
  
What's so funny? Taichi cried out, laughing softly, probably amused by the unforeseen laughter.  
  
I never was able to answer him because of my state. I rolled onto his stomach, never ceasing to stop because of his shirt. It only muffled the sounds. Briefly, I noticed Taichi's breathing shortening and drawing in breaths rapidly every few seconds. Moreover, I was too hysterical to care and continued to giggle away on Taichi's body.  
  
As I calmed down a touch, I rolled my head away from Taichi's upper body to come face to face with a clear bulge in his pants. I gasped and sat up, scrambling to the opposite side of the bed.  
  
I'm  
  
Taichi deepened madly and turned his head the opposite way. A silence dominated at first, but something within me wanted to console him and repay a favor. As I crawled over to where he was, my hand instinctively moved its way up his thigh, resting on his crotch. The tender lips of his called out to me; I couldn't struggle against nature's disdain against my feelings towards him. Just as my lips were about to make contact with him, a knock on the door and its opening ceased to stop me. Nature always seemed to win.  
  
What in the world are you two doing?  
  
I gasped, but quickly my mind wandered to an excuse. Nothing, Mother. Taichi was stupid enough to get pen on his face while doing homework and can't seem to get it off. I proceeded to lick my thumb and harshly rub Taichi's nose.  
  
Ouch! Would you knock it off? He snapped, And I'm not stupid!  
  
Whatever. I'll never help you to get pen off your face again, then.  
  
You two knock it off, my mother said, sighing. I just wanted to tell you two to get some sleep.  
  
She left abruptly, before anything else could be said on the matter. A silence persisted between the two of us for a moment, me still leaned over Taichi and Taichi staring the other way. Needless to say, he wasn't aroused any longer.  
  
She's rather upset, isn't she?  
  
What do you expect? She found out her eldest isn't a virgin anymore, I said, and couldn't help but allow a chuckle to escape my lips.  
  
Taichi said sulkily, his face dropping grimly, They also saw me completely naked, as well as Nanami. She's never going to talk to me again!  
  
There, there, I said, patting his back softly. You know she only serves as a good fuck.  
  
Like Shun does to you? Taichi inquired. He lifted his head slightly, appearing with a keen hope on his face.  
  
I suppose Although he is annoying, I consider him a friend. Especially one to flirt with, I said smugly, allowing my mind to race with memories of such occurrences.  
  
Oh bother. So what are you going to do about Saturday night?  
  
I'm unsure, I said, a frown falling upon my face. He's going to think I don't want to hang around with him, which is untrue.  
  
Oh my, Yamato! Are you actually, like, falling, like in love with him? Taichi said, using a high pitch voice in mockery, but actually sounding like he was in a lot of agony.  
  
Be quiet. I am not. He's a good fuck and friend––that's all.  
  
Yeah, yeah. I know. You love me so much more anyway, Taichi said, giggling slightly.  
  
  
  
He and I both knew it was meant differently than what we perceived it to be outloud. However, this issue is still unspeakable.  
  
I wish it wasn't.   
  
  
**End of Chapter 6  
  
**I'm feeling really sad right now because of the death of a person I knew who died tragically in a horse accident. Then, I found out the owner of my old stables has breast cancer and is going to die soon.  
  
Sorry, this isn't my personal journal, so I shouldn't be saying this stuff. Please give me some sort of feedback and I would be eternally grateful. 


	7. Sexual Frustration

Disclaimer - I don't own Digimon.   
  
I just want to thank everyone who gave me encouraging reviews when I was going through a bit of a hardship. Thank you.  
  
**Unspeakable  
Chapter 7: Sexual Frustration  
  
**  
There's Shun.  
  
  
  
You have to talk to him! Taichi all but yelled. He maddened deeply when fellow peers gave us a look of aggravation.  
  
Shun was one of the ones who turned, but instead of glaring like the others, his face lit up when he saw me. This was going to be harder than expected  
  
As if Taichi could read my inner thoughts, he said, Oh come off it. You're grounded and he'll understand. Geez, you make it seem like it's a big deal when it's just casual sex between the two of you.  
  
You know, you're right. Now will you bugger off so I can talk to him? I hissed as he approached the two of us.  
  
Fine. I'll go see the one who deemed me as Mr. Bighead'.  
  
I couldn't help but laugh as Taichi wandered off, but also worried. There had to be something more to the hateful atmosphere between the two boys. There just _had _to be.  
  
Yo Mato. Shun laughed at his own inclination of the usage of my name before swinging an arm around my shoulder. You look down. What's eating you?  
  
I'm grounded.  
  
So no Saturday night fun. Is that what you're saying? The grip tensed slightly around my neck, but disregarding it, I nodded.  
  
I mumbled.  
  
No worries, Yama! I have the perfect idea!  
  
I dread to think what the idea could be, I said dryly.   
  
Instead of going out, we'll fuck in your bedroom! he cried out happily. We'll just make sure we're muffled so your folks don't hear us.  
  
God, what are you nuts!? I shouted, ignoring the glares that were given to me again for the second time that day. The reason I'm grounded was because I got caught smoking and Taichi is because he was caught with a girl in his bed! As if I'm going to fuck you when they're around.  
  
Aw come off it. I'll make sure we're really quiet  
  
I said firmly. Subconsciously, my foot stomped on the ground and held its place. It gave a sort of fuel for confidence, one that I had to relinquish.  
  
The puppy dog eyes he was giving me could almost not be spared, and as a result, I had to shift my gaze downwards.  
  
Well–– Instead of the hopeful glance he had been wearing, it was now with a resignated smirk, ––I would consider it, but Taichi's in the room with me. We're banished in there for the next two and a half weeks.  
  
Then we can have a threesome!  
  
No. The answer is no about Saturday, and that is my final answer.  
  
***  
  
So, what time is Shun coming over tonight?  
  
He's going to climb the fire escape stairs and come through this window at nine or so, I replied, peering into the mirror that sat on our dresser.  
  
And he's bringing me that KoRn CD to listen to, right?  
  
I promise he is. If not, I will actually allow you to pick one from my selection. My cherished comb was set to the side as I picked up my discovered secret cover-up. It had been hidden a few months ago so that people like Taichi wouldn't know I powdered my face a bit for a creamy smoothness, but he accidentally' discovered it when searching for something.  
  
_Someone_ has the need for a good fuck if I actually get to touch His Royal Highness' CD collection.  
  
I growled.  
  
He laughed merrily and continued his search for batteries for his discman so that he wouldn't listen to Shun and I having sex. It had been part of the deal. On , I also rented a movie for Hikari, Mother and Father to watch so they would be distracted. They had begun watching it a few minutes ago, so I hoped dearly that it would run long enough for a quick shag between the two of us.   
  
Did you find any batteries?  
  
Taichi nodded and climbed the short ladder to his bed. He laid back and undoubtably, I knew he was watching me as I readied. A wave of self consciousness washed upon me and I did my best to keep a keen control on the actions I did as I powdered my face.  
  
What time is it? I asked, growing weary of the sin I would be committing. If Taichi hadn't gotten away with it, would I? Would my mother be inviting us to watch the movie? Would my father barge in and offer popcorn? Would Hikari pop her head in and tease us about being grounded?  
  
About nine.  
  
I hope he hurries and gets here  
  
Geez, can you not even conceal your aroused state? asked my brother, who was writing on the wall with his finger.  
  
Oh shut up. I watched for a moment what he was spelling out. The words were repeated because the pattern in which Taichi's hand followed had been the same throughout.  
  
Taichi turned to the window and smiled slightly. Go to the window to see if he's here yet.  
  
Agreeing, I approached the window without a moment's thought of the slick smile Taichi had worn when we told me. As I was about to stick my head out, a voice cried out, . I managed to hold back from screaming, having the common sense to merely gasp.  
  
  
  
Taichi and Shun burst out laughing for a few moments. One of the choruses stopped when my lips became locked with Shun's. He shoved me against the wall forcefully and held me in the air with my buttocks. I wrapped my legs around his waist, kissing him hungrily, for the desire and hormones needed this more than anything. As much as I aspired it were my beautiful brother, this lover had excellent usage of his hands.   
  
Can I _please_ have my KoRn CD to listen to? I'm sick of you two horny bastards already!  
  
Shun set me down before patting the pockets to the hoody he was wearing. Oh, I left it outside the window before scaring Yama-baby. He snickered and wandered his way to the window, leaning over to pick it up.  
  
A knock on the door startled the three of us, which barely left any time for Shun to do a flip and land outside the window, on the fire escape stairs that were outside of it. My father hardly waited a second before barging in.  
  
Yamato, I need you to go right away!  
  
What's wrong? I asked.  
  
I need you to pick up this medication for your mother. She is feeling faintish and I am worried.  
  
Why me? Why not Taichi? Or yourself? I demanded angrily.  
  
If my father wasn't surprised by this, I wasn't sure when he would ever be. Normally, I would take the request and fulfill it, for I am prone to pleasing my parents.   
  
I hurt my back at work today and Taichi is not allowed to leave because he will probably have sexual intercourse again.  
  
Taichi groaned loudly in the background, but neither myself or my father paid any attention to him.  
  
She'll be fine until morning!  
  
Why are you so against doing this? my father asked, frowning slightly. Your mother needs it after everything Taichi and you have put her through in this recent week.  
  
Unhappily, I looked at the window, already reminiscing what I would miss tonight. Then, I turned back and smiled apologetically. I'll run there now. It shouldn't take too long, right?  
  
Not at all. Thank you, son.  
  
I couldn't help but smile at the propensity of him thanking me as his son. As my father walked out of the room, I turned to the window to see Shun frowning. I merely shrugged and shut the bedroom door, hoping he might wait for me to return.   
  
Although, a nagging feeling told me otherwise. Whenever I had this nagging feeling, everything deemed itself true from there.  
  
***  
  
The picking up of my mother's pain killers had taken much longer than I anticipated. Not only was there a long line up in the drug store, but I had to wait for the prescription to be ready. That had taken longer than necessary, and I found myself wandering home an hour later.  
  
Immediately when I reached home, I handed my mother the pills and ran to my bedroom. When opening the door, it dawned on me that it was silent. As I slipped in and shut it, I realized it was only because Shun and Taichi were exhausted.  
  
The covers were strewn over them lazily, exposing most of their naked bodies under the sheets of _my_ bed. Taichi wore a concerned expression on his face, but Shun was lazily rubbing Taichi's side and smiling at me.  
  
Hey beautiful.  
  
You couldn't even fucking wait for me to come back? I snapped, crossing my arms and sitting in the desk chair.  
  
The concerned expression Taichi's face sketched now bore on Shun's face.  
  
We can still  
  
Oh like I'm going to fuck you after you've been inside my brother, I once again snapped.  
  
If it's any console, I fucked your brother first.  
  
_First_? What do you mean by _first_, Shun? My hands were clenched as the two males looked nervously at one another.   
  
Well while we were waiting for you, we became aroused again  
  
I was only gone an hour! Just go home, Shun.  
  
Shun sighed and stood. His naked body was caught at the corner of my eye, which I couldn't deny the attraction I felt for him, even now. He approached me somewhat cautiously and bent down.  
  
I'm sorry, was all he said before kissing my cheek, dressing, and leaving through the way in which he came.  
  
Taichi slowly stood, allowing the sheets of my bed to drop, exposing his naked body. I'm sorry  
  
I don't care that you fucked him. It isn't that at all.  
  
Then what is it?  
  
I pondered how to answer that as I climbed the ladder and laid upon Taichi's bed. The fact that I'm still sex starved. Do you realize how long it actually has been for me? A fucking month. Oh, and I'm sleeping in here. You can sleep in the soiled sheets.  
  
I watched feebly as he located his strewn boxers and slipped them on. He attempted smiling at me, but when the connote was ignored, he diverted his eyes and crawled into bed.  
  
This would be another night with difficulties of falling asleep without the console of one another. I knew it already as I stared at the ceiling of our bedroom, already regretting the way I was acting.   
  
Sighing, I turned over and leaned a bit over the edge, attempting to see if Taichi was asleep. My eyes met with his dark brown ones.  
  
I'm sorry. It was so selfish of me.  
  
Just go to sleep.  
  
Sighing, I laid back upon Taichi's pillow, once again engaging myself into staring at the ceiling. No wonder Taichi was so amused. The rocky ceiling was filled with marvelous patterns, especially one of them. It looked as if it had been carved itself because it looked like messy handwriting of two names and a few random words. The message became clear, and I couldn't help but gasp slightly.  
  
_Taichi and Yamato 4ever.  
  
  
_**End of Chapter 7.  
  
**This marks the half way point because there are 14 chapters in total. I would rally appreciate any sort of feedback. Thank you =)


	8. A Truthful Lie

Disclaimer - I don't own Digimon.   
  
Hello everyone. ^^  
  
**Unspeakable  
Chapter 8:  
  
**  
Everyone knew I was a light sleeper. From the way I was at sleepovers to my own sleeping habits at home; it was just a deemed knowledge. The sun bearing it's bright head above the land and the way it happened to gleam a sun beam onto my face had awakened in me within a few moments. Taichi was a deep sleeper; it was the only way to explain his fashion of not awakening like I had.  
  
The first few moments of awakening had been in a carefree state of innocence of merely rolling over to escape the light and close my eyes once more. However, it hadn't last long because of the awareness of sleeping in Taichi's bed. And that's when all of the memories of the previous evening had flooded back into my mind.   
  
The moment finally arrived to actually get up and dress. Carefully I climbed down the short ladder, stressing my feet to step lightly as to not awaken my brother. Even he deserved sleep. I eyed the room for appropriate clothing and slowly removed the only article of clothing I was wearing. The boxers landed on the floor without a single noise at all.  
  
The mirror inside our cabinet reflected my naked body back, also showing Taichi in my bed, looking troubled in his sleep. Sighing, I fixed my gaze once more upon my body, wondering where the light skin tone and thinness came from. My blonde hair. Blue eyes. Pale skin. The way I looked was so different so very unlike an actual Yagami.  
  
  
  
I never turned. Instead, I stared at Taichi through the reflection of the mirror. Good morning, I said simply, not allowing myself to speak any further.  
  
Are you still mad at me?  
  
Would you mind tossing me a fresh pair of boxers, please? Dismissing the statement was ensured that I was not angry with him any longer. Grinning, he fetched a pair of boxers and tossed them toward me.  
  
You have a lovely body.  
  
  
  
Yamato, I don't understand what you want! he suddenly cried out, his arms waving in the air.   
  
What do you mean?   
  
This game we have going on. You're right––it's abnormal, but what do you expect me to do or say? I feel like I'm in some sort of movie, except you're my brother. He exhaled loudly and sat on the edge of my bed, placing his head on the deep palm of his hands. We've deemed the subject unspeakable, but I cannot deny what I feel towards you  
  
Taichi, please––just stop it  
  
It was strange; the moment I had been awaiting for arrived, but I no longer wanted to speak about it. I puzzled myself Why was it that Taichi and I wanted the same things at different times?  
  
Fine. Let's just not fucking talk about it! Okay, it's unspeakable once again. With those words, Taichi snarled and descended the room, only wearing his boxer shorts. Assuming correctly, he stalked back into the room, grabbed a few necessities of clothing, and stormed right out again.  
  
My eyes drifted closed in an attempt to seal any tears that might want to fall. Maybe it is best   
  
Why do you talk to yourself?  
  
The lids of my eyes opened to find my little sister standing at the door. She smiled and took it upon herself to snuggle comfortably on my bed.   
  
Because I'm weird? I suggested, unable to conceal a smile from the thought.  
  
She giggled and shrugged. You are very strange, Yamato So, what are you and Taichi arguing about?  
  
You heard us? Panicked, I rushed over to her and grabbed a hold of her arms. Tell me!  
  
Her eyes showed a feeling of terror as she trembled an answer, I couldn't hear what you were saying Calm down, please.  
  
I became aware of what I was doing to her and let go, turning around. It's just private stuff.  
  
You have a new boyfriend, don't you?  
  
No, but wish I did, Hikari. But you see, I can't have the person I'm in love with and he can't have me back, I explained, careful of the words I chose.   
  
Is it because his parents are homophobic?  
  
Bitting my lip, I turned and burned my eyes into her. It's so much worse, Hikari. So much worse  
  
She looked frightened once more and went into a daze of thoughts. Perhaps I had said too much already and implied something I shouldn't have Perhaps Hikari is now an enemy of finding out the truth.  
  
***  
  
Sundays usually never go by so slowly. Usually, there was homework of some sort to finish and chores to be done. Or there were fun things to do, such as Taichi working on a new carving and me strumming on my guitar to soothe him. Today was different. I sat in my room and did nothing. For the first time in simply ages, not one of my teachers assigned any homework. For the first time ever, I wished my teachers had.  
  
Taichi was loitering around the house as well, but we managed to stay in different rooms. Hikari was in her room, talking on the phone to a new transfer student with the name of Takeru. Taichi had spent a good hour teasing her about that, but I don't think it was the same for any of the three of us. Not without me protecting Hikari or retorting a joke back about Taichi's physique.  
  
My mother and father noticed the awkwardness as well. They asked what was wrong, but we all lied for the sake of not wanting to confront the situation.   
  
I'm going to do the grocery shopping for your mother now, my father announced, placing his wallet within the inside of his jacket.  
  
Oh, and you couldn't have run out for Mother last night? I snapped.  
  
My father did nothing but frown and kiss my mother on the lips. Not a word was spoken from the three of us as my mother reminded him of what items they needed.   
  
Taichi, honey, can we go talk in your bedroom? There are some things I would like to discuss to you.  
  
Taichi groaned at my mother's proposition and stood. He caught my eye for a split second and I saw something that I could not determine. Hikari waited until Taichi was inside the bedroom before speaking.  
  
Think she's teaching Taichi what the bird and bees are?  
  
I all but laughed. Hope not because it's obviously too late.  
  
A few moments passed of silence. It was a silence that needed to be broken of the thought that was in the both of our mind's. Hikari had been the braver one to suggest it first.  
  
Wanna listen?  
  
Of course. I stood and tip-toed with Hikari to the bedroom door, pressing my ear upon it. The shock of what we heard had plastered onto Hikari's face. My mother was crying. It hadn't been a shock to me at all because of what I had known already. It was hard to determine what Taichi was saying, but I managed to catch a few things.  
  
I don't just take girls into bed with me for fun I'm not like that, unlike some people.  
  
My mother than said something I couldn't comprehend. Her back was probably turned to the door.  
  
Please! I'm not nearly as bad as Yamato! He fucks everyone that show interest in him! You all think he's some fucking goody-good, but he's not! He's worse than me!  
  
Hikari gasped and looked at me with a disgusted expression on her face. The trust she had in me faded out of her and she looked at me as if I was a stranger.  
  
Tears welded into my own eyes, along with a small ball of rage within me that grew with each of my mother's sobs in the room. Swallowing my pride, I turned the knob of the door and barged into the room.  
  
My mother took one glance at me and began sobbing harder. Taichi said nothing and swallowed, clutching the sheets of my bed.  
  
How dare you!  
  
It's all fucking true, you––you slut!  
  
You just ruined everything! Look what you've done to her, you half-wit! I motioned in the direction of my sobbing mother, who was being consoled by Hikari. It's not my fault you were caught in bed! Why bring me into this?!  
  
Why should I get all of the blame when you had just brought Shun over to fuck last night! Taichi stood and pushed my chest back.  
  
I gasped and cried out, Well you're the one who fucked him! Not me! I ran to the store because _our_ mother needed something! I'm not selfish like you!  
  
I may be selfish, but at least I'm not a slut.  
  
  
  
_Stop! This instant!_ my mother screamed. Just stop I beg of you.  
  
Hikari began to cry, her wails ringing through the air with my mother's. Stop it for mother.  
  
I looked between the two and turned towards Taichi once more, who was glaring at me endlessly. Why'd you tell her all of this? Why?  
  
Taichi's glare turned into a concerned frown, and he reached out to touch me. But something stopped me from accepting the offer. Most likely, it was the howls from the two females staring at us. As swiftly as Taichi's expression had turned, I darted out of the room and into the hall where I proceeded to slip on some shoes. Then I left the apartment and fled down the stairs.  
  
It wasn't until I was on the streets that I could hear Taichi's calling, but I no longer wanted to be near him. The awful things he said about me The way my mother will never look at me the same way again The way Hikari won't trust me to be her older brother for good advice The knowledge of that all caused by Taichi's burden on himself and passed it to me caused a horrible feeling. It was too much to bare, and I ran. Ran until I assumed I lost Taichi. Quickly, I darted into an alley and pressed my forehead against the brick building. Tears wandered to my eyes and I couldn't help but let them fall.  
  
I was a disgrace now   
  
Taichi's pace slowed as he rounded the alley and stopped in front of me.  
  
Just let me be  
  
I'm sorry!  
  
Look what you've done! I screamed, harsh fists pounding into his chest. Taichi was always strong and was hardly effected, but I continued to hit him lightly until I fell into his frame, sobbing freely. Why did you do this?  
  
Taichi lifted my loose body and pushed me against the wall. His lips fell onto mine and he held me tightly with his strong arms. I never protested. My arms placed around neck as I kissed back as passionately as he was.  
  
The tears never ceased to fall, either. They only grew stronger with every intake of breath between the kisses.   
  
And I held my brother, crying as he showed the strong love he had for me.   
  
**End of chapter 8**  
  
The next chapter is very well I'm not going to say. You're just going to have to wait =P   
  
I would rally appreciate any sort of feedback. Thank you =)


	9. Installment

Disclaimer - I don't own Digimon.   
  
**To clear something up: **Taichi and Yamato have no idea that they're not real brothers.   
  
Thanks for the feedback on the last chapter. Something happens at the end of this chapter that some people may like ^^  
  
**Unspeakable  
Chapter 9: Installment  
  
** Taichi continually caressed my body into place against the brick wall of the alley. His lips roamed the parts of my body that were exposed, namely the crook of my neck and lips. My eyes rolled back at his touch, and an unpreventable movement of my back arching as his fingers traced along my thighs occurred, even if it was through the material of my pants.   
  
  
  
Taichi only furthered his ministrations by tugging on the hem of my shirt. This action caused an awareness to fall upon me, realizing my surrounding area and why exactly I was here.   
  
Please, stop My hands took a hold of his and pulled them away from my body. Taichi began in taking several large breaths, just as I did until I spoke once more, We––I can't Taichi, what are we going to do now? How are we going to face them?  
  
Taichi made no attempt to soothe my nerves as I broke my contact with his body and moved deeper into the shadows of the alley. Impulsively, my hands gripped my hair at the thought of being a disgrace in my own home.  
  
Why did you say all of this? I don't know what we're going to do now.  
  
We run away, Taichi said, with the confidence of an unknown whereabouts. His hands encircled my waist from behind, whilst his lips hovered above my ear. We run far from here, to Tokyo. We live as the lovers as we desire without anyone suspecting a thing.  
  
Fantasies arouse of the suggestion, resulting in an ambition to have all what he said. However, the life I had now was not something that could be given up quite so easily as he mentioned. I loved my parents and Hikari and he loved them too. How could we just run away from it all because of a feverish argument?  
  
I could kiss you all I want and love you the way we both want  
  
We can't, Taichi Our parents. Hikari. We cannot just leave them to live in a hallow disgrace of losing their two sons in the same day. We cannot just leave Hikari behind in her teenage years, I protested, loosening the grip Taichi had upon my body. Turning towards the brother I wanted as a lover, I said, We can't.  
  
I know you're right, but like you said: what are we going to do now?  
  
After a few moments of consideration, I suggested, We sit down everyone very formally. Then––  
  
We aren't telling them our feelings for each other!  
  
No! Of course not, idiot. Don't interrupt me. Taichi would have smirked if it weren't for the situation we were in. We tell them that our lashing at each other was a lie to save ourselves from not looking bad. It did start with you telling Mother that I was a slut, and now I'm almost glad you did say that so we can pull it off.  
  
Taichi lifted an eyebrow and nodded slowly. we do that now?  
  
The agreement settled between us as we calmly made our way back to the apartment. I found it mind blowing that I could actually think of the plan and follow through it with this sense of calmness. Perhaps it was because Taichi was there for me  
  
As we reached the building of our flat, Taichi and I took one last look at each other before taking the stairs as route, for it delayed the confrontation that would occur.  
  
Dad's home. I saw his car.  
  
That was fast, was all I managed to say as we finished the last step to climb.  
  
A little too fast for my liking Taichi side and grabbed my wrist lightly, causing my body to twist in his direction. I'm sorry, Yamato for everything. For getting you into this mess. For making you look like a slut.  
  
I practically snorted as I casted my eyes downwards. I am a tramp. You know it. I know it. Everyone knows it.  
  
Okay, so you have a slight obsession with the male body, but that doesn't mean you're a slut.  
  
Thanks, you've made me feel so much better, I said, all but dripping with sarcasm.  
  
Hey, you've got good taste. He winked at this, whilst I laughed. Using the surge of energy, I began walking again towards our flat. Would you like me to open the door?  
  
Does that even need a response?  
  
Taichi opened the door in reply and we found ourselves peering into a dead silent, empty room. Maybe they're in our bedroom still?  
  
What resulted in an empty room caused us to frown and look about our surroundings.  
  
But the car is there I whispered. A sound coming from the next room caused my head to snap and a keen interest to check out why that occurred. It had taken everything within me to open the door and acknowledge that my parents, for I had the feeling they were in there, along with Hikari.   
  
Why are you in here? Taichi managed to ask, not able to conceal the nervousness in his voice. When no reply came forth, he walked into the room and laid his eyes upon Hikari.   
  
She glanced at our parents before replying, Mom went into shock. We're waiting for the doctor to come.  
  
Taichi groaned loudly as I stepped forward and knelt in front of my mother, who was staring blankly in front of her. She made no movement with her eyes as I did this, and to attempt some sort of reaction, I cupped her hands into my own.  
  
Taichi and I are sorry for this We were angry with each other. None of what we said was true––  
  
Hikari snapped.  
  
Hush you, Taichi said. As always, she obeyed and pressed her lips tightly together.  
  
I merely ignored the distraction and continued, It really wasn't true I am not a slut, nor is Taichi. We may not be virgins, but when he and I threw insults, they were all exaggerations––  
  
This time, it was my father who interrupted me, Both of you are grounded until the end of this month. I don't want to hear anymore. Go to your rooms before we lay down another punishment.  
  
Taichi pressed a hand on my shoulder, and I stood. I glanced one last time at my pale stricken mother before I followed Taichi out of the room. Neither of us said a word until we were both inside of our bedroom.  
  
Did you see her face I all but whispered as I settled into Taichi's awaiting grasp in the corner of my bed.  
  
She'll be okay You know how nervous she gets. She's far worse then Koushiro's mother!  
  
To think, we are the cause of the grief she has been facing  
  
His grip tensed and I felt him swallow nervously. We can't blame ourselves. We're merely growing up, facing new situations and such. It's as simple as that.  
  
Something about that caused me to frown. _We're merely growing up, facing new situations growing up_ I suddenly felt overwhelmingly ill, as if I was being choked by my beloved brother. My chest was tight and my lack of breathing caused Taichi to ask if I was okay.  
  
Did you ever stop to think this is all just hormones? My voice was barely a whisper, like the blow of the wind outside or a the steady breathing of one.  
  
No, not really  
  
Well you said it yourself! _We're merely growing up, facing new situations_ Hormones are a part of growing up The realization of what was being said dawned on me far too quickly to absorb and control what I wanted to say. My mind was racing with the many lewd gestures towards one another, now beginning to be deemed as a hormone fault. Everything we've been doing It's all hormones! We don't like each other at all, just find each other physically attracted to one another.  
  
  
  
Please, let go of me! I wiggled in every direction, attempting to steer clear of Taichi's hold. However, he wouldn't let go.  
  
None of that is true, and you know it! Taichi said this as he pinned me underneath him, succeeding in dominating my lithe body by seizing hold of my wrists against the bed. He placed them above my head, holding them both with one hand tightly before leaning down and kissing my lips very softly. Momentarily , I allowed it to happen without responding. You can't deny this.  
  
Oh no, I would never deny how good it felt to have Taichi run his lips over my upper body. It would be foolish to contradict his point as his lips sucked the soft soft where my neck and shoulder connected. In order to remain silent, I had to bite my lip and buck my hip to show interest instead, for the sound of my voice would deem as an attraction to others. Never could I refuse the strong, yet soft hands that rubbed my sides, serving as a threat if they didn't slide any lower  
  
please, I managed to breathe out, attempting to push his ministrations away from my body. I couldn't allow myself to run out of control and concede him to take possession of my body. This is all hormones again I may be aroused, but that serves from hormones.  
  
And how can you deny that feeling when we're close! And don't even deny you don't know what I'm talking about.  
  
Closing my eyes, all I said was, Keep your voice low.  
  
You're impossible. Taichi said as he had taken a hold of the wrists that were above my head still once again. I'm not letting you go until you admit it! You have feelings for me, and I don't fucking care if they are abnormal!  
  
  
  
No, you listen. Now fucking say it, Yama! Say that you have feelings for me.  
  
I shrieked as Taichi pinched the flesh around the veins of my wrist and couldn't help but allow tears to prick at the corners of my eyes.   
  
Say it! Fucking say it!  
  
You're scaring me, I cried out, wincing as Taichi's hand raised to my cheek. As a moment passed where nothing I occurred, I opened my eyes just as a tear fell from Taichi's eye and onto my face. He collapsed on top of me, beginning to cry very softly into my shirt. The grip on my wrists loosened and I brought them down to wrap around the shaking body of my brother. It's going to be okay  
  
Words that I could not translate muffled into my shirt, causing a small chuckle to escape my lips. The moment of peace didn't last long, for a sudden hammering on our door stirred us. Literally, there was actual hammering.  
  
Taichi's head lifted automatically and he stood, making the way to our door. What the He tried opening it slowly, but it was blocked.  
  
I'm confused  
  
What the hell is going on out there?! Let us out! Taichi proceeded to bang on the doorway, which earned him a yell to stop by our father.  
  
Your mother and I contemplated putting this lock on your door for some time now, but you've earned it.  
  
Taichi yelled, You've got to be kidding me!   
  
When a silence reigned outside of our door, it finally opened, exposing our troubled looking father. I hate to do this, but the way you two have been acting lately The doctor said she needs bed rest for the next few days and I do not want you to be disturbing her.  
  
But Dad!  
  
He sighed and I almost thought I saw a tear in the corner of his eye as he set a hand on Taichi's shoulder. I don't understand what has gotten into the two of you. Please, do this family a favor and sort it out.  
  
After that very short speech, he shut the door. There was the dignifying noise of the lock being strewn shut and I couldn't help but wince. Taichi remained leaning against the doorway, and I watched as his shoulders shake every few seconds.  
  
Are you going to be okay? I asked this with a squeeze of his shoulder, and in return, a pair of sad eyes turned to me.  
  
Ever notice it's unfair?  
  
Life's like that. And the moment everything is perfect, it is ruined in one way or another.  
  
My wise words must have surprised the two of us, for a long silence dominated the room. In an attempt for change, I laid upon my bed.  
  
I never thought I'd say say this, but I want it to be Monday tomorrow so I can get out of this fucking home.  
  
In a way, everything we're going through here is a result of the way we've been acting. I don't really blame them  
  
  
***  
  
It was the next afternoon before either of us spoke to each other, mainly because we had to in order to complete a biology assignment during class. Taichi had noticed the outcome of a very pleasurable experience for me the block before; he noticed because of my jitteriness.  
  
What is up with you? Can we _please_ do our bio?  
  
I never thought I'd hear you request that. I hummed to myself whilst flipping through the answers on the worksheet that was assigned, hardly focused at all.  
  
You fucked Shun, didn't you? Taichi asked flatly.  
  
Taichi must have glared at me as I stared straight ahead, smiling happily to myself in satisfaction. The school yard behind bushes was the perfect place to commit such fornication, leaving me feeling highly satisfied and slightly tired.  
  
It may have been a selfish act, but why was it always Taichi and Shun who got their own ways?  
  
Turning my head, I caught Taichi muttering something under his breath as he began taking over the both of our's homework. I frowned, for the disappointment I must have caused him by my actions. Although, he did the same thing to me with the same person. Sighing, I tilted my head in what seemed to be in both remorse and repentance.  
  
***  
  
You're mad at me, aren't you?  
  
Not really, considering I stole your chance on Saturday.  
  
Then I'm glad we have this settled. Pausing briefly, I allowed my temptation of what was on my mind to be spoken outloud, I still think it's hormones. My voice was so tiny, yet filled the silent room as if it were empty.  
  
Taichi set down the knife he had been using to carve with. I suddenly became frightened as he slowly grabbed my wrist and pushed me onto the bed. Even though I was bewildered out of my mind, I didn't stop the ministrations he began pursuing upon my body. The kissing of my chest, lips and neck caused me to moan with pleasure and excitement, allowing me to fall under his power. His spell of lust and passion. Even though I had been satisfied earlier, the love that came from my brother as he kissed and stroked my body was more than I could handle.  
  
You can't deny the feelings we have, Yamato, Taichi whispered as he rubbed his pelvis against my own.   
  
Moaning, I whispered, But Tai–– I never had a chance to say something, for Taichi crashed his lips upon my own, silencing me rudely, but in a pleasurable way.  
  
Please stop this game We can't deny this attraction. We simply can't.  
  
With those words, Taichi pulled the clothing off my body, piece by piece in the most teasing way possible. I wanted him more than ever. I wanted him inside of me  
  
I said, thrusting my hips upward.  
  
See Yamato, you can't deny this.  
  
You're right I can't Just please take me.  
  
I gave into my brother's ministrations, causing an incest fornication to take place between the two of us. He took me as many times as possible throughout the night, leaving me to fall into an exhausted state of slumber early in the morning.  
  
**End Chapter 9  
  
**Oooh I hope that was okay. I really hope for feedback on this chapter. Thanks.


	10. Accusations

Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon  
  
**Unspeakable  
Chapter 10: Accusations**  
  
Chilling. Cold. I opened my eyes to these feelings and found myself staring at a mattress above me in an empty bed. The awareness of Taichi not laying next to my side was first to hit my subconscious, followed closely by the many sinful deeds that had carried on only a few hours before hand.  
  
What have I done? I asked outloud, closing my eyes in an attempt to hide from the world that now felt so pure compared to the world I was living in.  
  
No one answered the empty question, and I somehow managed to drag myself out of bed to begin readying for school. It seemed like a difficult task, even for not sleeping half of the night. The burden of such a sin planted itself within my mind and was slowly growing of painful guilt.   
  
Once I left the room, I came upon my family sitting around the table. The absence of my brother perceived me first, until my father asked a question.  
  
Are you feeling ill, Yamato? Do you need a day off?  
  
As much as the temptation to crawl into bed and sleep away the guilt was there, I decided against it, for it would loom my mind all day if I did that. At least the distraction of teachers could provide somewhat useful  
  
I'm fine. Where's Taichi?  
  
He went to play an early soccer game with friends. Now are you sure you're okay? My father began scooping what looked like mold onto my plate before running his hand through my hair as I sat down. And here I thought my mother was supposed to stay in bed, for no one else could make such a disgusting looking meal  
  
I'll be fine, really. I'm just not hungry and had a bad sleep, that's all.  
  
My eyes met with Hikari's as her innocent, yet concerned expression etched her face as she slowly ate her mold. It must looked like pancakes. She probably thought I was thinking the food was disgusting.  
  
You really do look ill. You're all pale, she finally said, breaking the short period of eye contact we shared.  
  
I'm fine, really. I'm going to get to school and do some studying. I don't want my marks to fall.  
  
That's my son, my father said, smiling. His face was also concerned, which left me with the impression they were all worrying about both Taichi and I. We were much too obvious with our feelings.   
  
It didn't take long for me to pack a lunch that wouldn't see my stomach and leave the apartment. Time elapsed as I walked down the street slowly and in perfect detail, studying my surroundings with great interest. Before I knew it, the bell rang and I was late for class. Once I managed to get there, I learned that I had missed a vital part of the lesson and was to sit next to my brother for help.  
  
I stared at him. His beautiful eyes raising to meet with my own; a small smile unable to be concealed. He was inviting me to take a seat next to him.  
  
I––I don't feel good.  
  
Mr. Yagami, are you feeling all right? My teacher called down the hallway as I sped towards a place I knew I could relax: the music room.  
  
Music was coming from outside of the door, which surprised me because I knew there was not a class during this block. Opening the door cautiously, I peaked my head around to find Shou practicing with his bass guitar. He immediately recognized my presence and motioned for me to come inside.  
  
Hey Yamato.  
  
I smiled and stole a seat on one of the chairs, tilting my head as he slowed down on the song he was playing.  
  
You all right? he asked, setting his bass down and taking a seat next to my own.  
  
Why wouldn't I be? I asked, disappointed that my voice was wavering.  
  
Kenta saw you down the hallway and was calling you, but he said you were all lost in your own world. You look sick. What's up?  
  
Shou had a way of acting like a psychologist, wanting me to open up to him. Sometimes I would. However, this wasn't any ordinary means I couldn't It would be the end of my band, my friends, my life––everything I cherished.   
  
I'm fine, really.  
  
Something's wrong. Yamato, you know all too well that you can't hide anything from me.  
  
Then you don't really know me, I snapped. Shou's eyes enlarged in surprise, causing a pang of guilt to strike my heart. I'm sorry. That was uncalled for, but please just let me be.  
  
I could help you. Is this to do with Taichi––  
  
Curiosity had wrapped me into what Shou was going to ask, but we were interrupted when the door opened. Taichi walked into the room; his eyes bore into mine as I cast my own downwards.  
  
Mr. Dontaoji sent me to find you, he stated.  
  
Just leave me alone.  
  
  
  
Go Taichi! Shou snapped. He stood and walked in front of me, protecting my guilt and pain. It's not that he knew what was going on or how exactly Taichi hurt me, but it was his duty in some sort of way  
  
We're going to talk about this later without this _fucker _here. Taichi motioned to Shou, and with one last glare, he left the room, most likely going back to class with some excuse for me.  
  
What happened, Yamato?  
  
Just an argument, that's all.  
  
Argument my ass, Shou whispered. He said nothing more as he went back to playing music for me, as if giving me this time to reflect on my thoughts. Only, it made me feel more guilty and sick.  
  
The bell had rung a short time later; the only sound able to bring my mind conscious. My surroundings had been so hazy, and I felt as if I were trapped Trapped by hands of disgustion and shame. I had done a very unnatural act and now, I knew I was going to pay.  
  
  
  
Slowly, my eyes drifted forward to meet Shou's. We stared at each other for a moment before he picked up his books.   
  
We should get to class now, Yamato. Will you be okay?  
  
Of course. Again, my voice wavered. I clenched my cheek and turned away, moving through the door and into the cluttered hallway before he could say anything. Many voices called at me, but I ignored them all. It was actually when someone called Shou I glanced up, for it had been a voice that puzzled me. It was so sweet––innocent, even.  
  
A teenage boy stood in the path to my next class, looking past the curve of my shoulder, most likely at Shou. He glanced at me with a pair of magnificent blue eyed, allowing his hair to flow through the air, gleaming blonde in every direction.   
  
I'm Takeru, he began, holding out a hand, I'm Shou's cousin.  
  
A hand fell on my shoulder. A pale hand. And all I could do was stare at the other pale hand that was outstretched towards me, awaiting to be held. But I couldn't touch the hand, even though there was a calling for me to do so. I could only stare at the hand in complete amazement, for the skin tone was so similar to my own, just as Shou's was.  
  
***  
  
So you're okay, right?  
  
Shun, I'm fine. Since when have you been so concerned about my heath anyway? I inquired, looking towards the beautiful brown eyed brunette.   
  
Hey, you're one of my favorite people in the world, he said softly, which caused me to smile and lean into his frame. He wasn't usually outspoken about inner feelings, usually allowed his hormones to take over what he said.  
  
Want to go outside for fresh air? he suggested, taking a hold of my hand. Nodding, I listened to him talk about a new student in two grades below ours, who uncannily had a resemblance to me.  
  
It's Shou's cousin, I'm sure. Hikari is friends with him. She's very fond of him. I think she has a crush on him. If I weren't feeling like utter shit, I would have laughed and suggested the two of us go find her to see this kid for ourselves.  
  
And, if there hadn't been yelling around the corner, I would have also suggested it. At the sound of my brother's voice, I wandered with Shun to peek around who he was arguing with, despite my inkling of already knowing who it was.   
  
Listen, you know shit about Yamato. I'm his brother and we share the same room. He tells me fucking everything, so don't you dare pretend you know how he feels!  
  
You are some brother! Having feelings for him! What did you do to him? Kiss him? Is that why he's like this today? Did you make some sort of act on him? I told you to never touch him or do anything of the sort.  
  
You don't know what you're talking about, Taichi growled, and I'll be damned before I say anything to you about Yamato.  
  
He trusts you! How dare you take advantage of him!  
  
You don't even know what happened, so lets leave it at that.  
  
I'm not letting you go until you tell me what the fuck you did to him! Shou yelled.  
  
I could only watch the two argue everything out, almost forgetting Shun was there until he gasped and pulled my wrist so we moved away from the scene.  
  
H-he has feelings for you? What happened last night?  
  
came the whisper. Trembling, my eyes cast downwards in an attempt to avoid Shun.  
  
If you don't tell me what happened, I'll never speak to you again, he hissed, trying to keep his own voice low as to not attract the attention of the two arguers from around the corner.  
  
Please don't do this to me Please, I beg of you. I pulled Shun towards me, hanging on with dear life as tears fell continuously onto Shun's shirt. He wrapped his arms around me and slowly swayed my body as I the water havens flow. He was still listening to everything happening.  
  
Taichi better have not touched you in anyway, Shun whispered to himself. Sick fucking bastard I can't believe I slept with him.  
  
Stopping myself from crying any further, I pushed Shun away from me and ran around the corner. The first to see me was Shou, who stopped yelling at Taichi. I stood behind my brother, who turned into a lover last night. Taichi, oblivious, continued shouting at Shou about not knowing what he was talking, and all I could do was swallow and lay a hand on his broad shoulder.  
  
Turning, he gasped.   
  
What do you know, Shou? I asked.  
  
Shou never said a word, instead, glared at Taichi. He then glanced at Shun and swallowed.  
  
Tell me, Shou. Tell me now. I stepped forward, past Taichi, and took a hold of Shou's arm, in an attempt of aggressive persuasion.   
  
Shou still said nothing. His red hair remained still, and if it weren't for the twitching of his lips, he could have been mistaken for a colourful statue.   
  
Tell me! I all but screamed.   
  
Fine. I know that your brother fucked you last night. And I think you wanted it more than he did.  
  
  
End of Chapter 10  
  
Ah yes uh lots of things happen in the next chapter.


	11. A Fair Haired Woman

Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon.   
  
  
Well lots happened in the last chapter, no?  
  
Even more things occur in this one ^-^  
  
**Unspeakable  
Chapter 11: **  
  
Fine. I know that your brother fucked you last night. And I think you wanted it more than he did.  
  
It had taken a few moments of silence for all of us to interpret what Shou had said, especially Shou himself, it seemed, for he wore an expression of horrification on his face that didn't seem to want to fade.  
  
It had been Taichi who broke the awkwardness. Nothing of the sort happened, Shou. Nothing at all.  
  
Fuck you Taichi. Fuck you and you're stupid lies, Shou said in an eerie, calm voice. Why else would Yamato be this –––? Tell me that! Look at him!  
  
Yamato, what happened? Shun asked.  
  
I glanced at Taichi and shook my head ever so slightly. Then, I turned to Shou and said, Please, listen to Taichi. Nothing of the sort happened. It's–– Pausing, I took a deep breath, for the lie that escaped my lips was so great and it took much recollected energy, ––disgusting to suggest Taichi and I had sex. I don't even know where you got such a disgusting idea from. Taichi is my brother.  
  
Shou bit his lip. He stared intently into my eyes with this smile that I cannot describe. It was a knowing smile, and I had the queer feeling it meant something deeply. Yet, I could only stare at him with amazement, for now I pondered how he knew. And suddenly, I realized everyone was staring at me and calling my name. I could only vaguely hear it as I let go of Shou's arms and backed into Taichi.   
  
Then, two strong arms wrapped around my shoulders as blackness overswept me  
  
***  
  
When my eyes opened, I was surrounded in darkness. At first, the thought of blindness came to mind. However, the innocence when awakening from sleep faded away rather quickly, leaving me with the insightful knowledge of what happened. The only conclusion I gained was that it must have been late evening.  
  
Upon that assumption, Taichi wandered into the room and carelessly went about doing something that I could not distinguish, and again I assumed that he must have presumed me asleep still. It wasn't until he turned on the light and faced me that he realized I was awake; his eyes immediately softened.  
  
  
  
How long have I been out for? was all I could ask.  
  
Well, Dad picked you up from school after you fainted and it's been six hours since then.  
  
The memory of my fainting had entered my mind and I frowned before the door opened. My father greeted me with a concerned smile as he asked of my well being.   
  
Before I could reply a single word, Taichi said, He confirms our suspicion of having the flu. He feels naustious.  
  
It might be a good idea for you to stay home tomorrow from school. Would you like me to make you some soup?  
  
I couldn't have been more confused at the moment due to the lies appearing from my brother's mouth, but I agreed to have a little bite to eat, for the rumbling in my stomach proved that it was empty. After my father left, I turned to Taichi and demanded why he would lie about my health when I was feeling fine.  
  
I had to find some excuse why you fainted. What was I supposed to say? That you fainted because of your guilt for fucking me.  
  
I didn't faint because of that, I whispered.  
  
Like hell you didn't. Yamato, I know you just as well as you know me, and after last night... Well, I think I know you even better, Taichi said as he sat on my bed next to me. His hand ran along my leg before he looked away and sighed.  
  
No, you don't, and I flung his arm right off my lap.  
  
He was silent for a moment, only making a small noise when his lips collided with my own forcefully before he pushed my body away so that my head hit the post of my bed and ran out of the room. I sat there, clutching my head and staring at the door with such betrayal and guilt that it was almost unbearable.  
  
The first thought that formed was that I didn't want to go to school and that I would do my best to fake sick for the rest of the week.  
  
***  
  
Wednesday and Thursday passed both very slowly and quickly. Whenever I laid in my bed and stared at the matress above me, it seemed like the seconds would drag on endlessly and nothing was getting done, for I was supposedly sick. So sick that I needed bed rest, just like my dear mother in the room next to mine. On Wednesday, I completely ignored that she was there. Well, I tried too. Ignoring her deemed itself far too difficult because of my guilt on knowing this was all caused by both Taichi and myself. It wasn't until Thursday afternoon that I actually mungered the courage needed to visit her.  
  
I remember how scared I was. As soon as I opened the bedroom door, her eyes fixed upon my own and her breath grew short. All I could do was apologize. She said something that I can't stop thinking about. It's arisen an entire new meaning to everything, and suddenly, I feel even more distant from my family and Taichi.   
  
What she said was this: Yamato, I know things have been rather confusing lately You're growing up. Don't let this be blamed for how you have been acting. Something is going on, and the greif you have been putting me through is more than anything combined through both yours and Taichi's life span. You're my child, but don't ever make the same mistake I did  
  
And so on Thursday evening before I _had _to return to school, I was in the middle of working out the mystery of her mistake. Was I her mistake? Was my being born her mistake? Perhaps it had to do with the date of my birth. Once again it lead to the mystery of why I was born on a completely different date than Taichi. Yet, I barely had any time to contemplate this due to Taichi giving me endless mounds of attention, as well as my father, Hikari and even my mother, who suddenly felt much better and was rummaging throughout the house in an attempt to find wheat germ.   
  
Then there was Friday. Much of the day was spent avoiding people and skipping classes. In fact, Taichi had lied to many of my teachers and said I was still sick. Not sure how that is going to work, but somehow it will have to because I wasn't fit being there.   
  
And I have the feeling I'm not fit to being in my room. Or my apartment. Or with this family. Again I feel like the puzzle piece in the wrong box, and not even Taichi could make me feel any better when he had been comforting me on Friday afternoon, after school.  
  
Yamato, just stop this Stop dragging it on like a little drama queen.  
  
Oh thanks, I mutter, yet I clutch his shirt tightly for the fear of him letting me go. There wasn't any comfort in result from the act, but it was needed.  
  
He sighed and closed our lips together lightly, pulling away only a moment later to say, I love you.  
  
The words were chilling. Frightening. Forbidden in the context they meant, for I knew that Taichi didn't mean it in a brotherly love way; he meant it in a sexual lover way. For once, I was eternally grateful for the interupption of Hikari poking her head into our room just after moments of pushing Taichi away from me due to shock of him saying those three little words.   
  
Dinner's ready and we're expecting company, Hikari said. She smiled and ushered us both out into the kitchen, where Taichi and I stood looking confused.  
  
Who's coming over? Taichi asked. I thought Dad's boss wasn't coming for supper in weeks.  
  
He isn't. It's a surprise, my mother replied. She turned away in what seemed like penitence, for she cast her eyes downwards and looked rather sad  
  
Although, the doorbell rang before I could grasp any thought on the issue, and when I followed Taichi to the door, I could only marvel in astonishment when Shou, Takeru, and a fair haired woman were standing at the doorway. The blonde known as Takeru smiled at me unexpectantly and winked.   
  
Takeru! I didn't know you were coming! Hikari beamed as she passed through Taichi and mine's shoulders to greet the guests in our home. Why didn't you tell me?  
  
My father looked nervously at Hikari and gave her a stern look before he awkwardly greeted our guests and bid them inside.   
  
You have a very nice place, the woman commented. She then turned to me and held her hand out. You must be the adorned Yamato.  
  
Pausing, I forced a smile and nodded as I took a hold of her hand and slowly shook it. It was warm, and it gave a fuzzy feeling in my heart. Her hand was also the same colour as my own. I stared at it briefly before glancing up and forcing another smile.  
  
After akward shaking of hands with the rest of my family, my father announced that dinner was to be served. He, himself, sounded rather nervous and glanced at me endlessly, which caused anxiety to wash upon myself. The boy was the one I couldn't stop staring at, and sometimes I would give a questioning glance at Shou, who would always cast his eyes away. The entire dinner was rather abrupt and difficult due to this.  
  
Not only was there that, but the woman was rather cold and rude about everything. She poked at her food like it was poisoned, and when we sat having drinks afterwards, she was studying the glass, as if it were dirty.   
  
So Yamato, what do you like to do in your spare time? the blonde woman asked, frowning at her glass before glancing up to meet with my eyes.  
  
I'm in a band with Shou, I replied, having the urge to roll my eyes––as if she hadn't known that already.   
  
Right, right, she said, tapping the side of her glass with long, ravishing finger nails that looked ready to kill.  
  
Yet another awkward moment of silent occured, which seemed to be the hundreth that night. And any time, I could have sworn Taichi was going to burst out and make a foolish mistake.  
  
If only I hadn't been right.  
  
Don't mean to be rude, but why the hell are you here? he inquired.  
  
my mother scolded. Then, she turned to the woman and immediately began apologizing, You know boys Always the naughty ones.  
  
Would have expected that from _your_ son. At least my two boys have not only beautiful blonde hair, but are well mannered. Isn't that true Yamato?   
  
_Two boys beautiful blonde hair_ Something about the words dawned upon me, but my mindframe wouldn't put them together properly to comprehend. Silently I stared at the woman, willing myself to say something––anything, but nothing would show. Finally, I said, Excuse me?  
  
You're such a handsome boy, Yamato. I always knew you would grow to be. Whatnot with your handsome father being the most handsome man on the football team––  
  
Would anyone like tea? my mother interrupted suddenly, standing directly between the woman and I.  
  
Dad never played football Taichi muttered from beside me. He turned to Shou and scowled before turning towards me again. What is she getting at?  
  
I couldn't reply to that, only stared bewildered at the woman I was beginning to despise due to her lack of compassion. Everything she said was so hurting, yet I had no idea what it meant.  
  
She went on, No tea, thank you. Please do not interrupt. My son–– her hand motioned towards me indolently, ––is much more well mannered than you are. I should have never let you take on the resonsibility––  
  
Now see here! my father roared as he stood, looking more powerful than I had ever seen him in his life. You promised to tell him gently! Not like this! You were sixteen years old; you were most certainly grateful for us to take him off your hands because you were the little tramp in the school who made a mistake. If you think that––  
  
You know nothing! she snapped. Sure I wasn't as dignified as her younger sister, but I was not a tramp. Mistakes happen, and it was certainly a mistake handing Yamato over to you.  
  
You were practically begging us to, my mother yelled, my sister told me you were begging for her to ask us to take Yamato because we were older and already had Taichi. Don't you dare lie and say Yamato being raised as our son was a mistake!  
  
Please, stop it I whispered.  
  
Noody could hear me, though. The world around me was yelling, with Taichi now joining in and saying useless things, per usual. I didn't have the nerve to glance at Takeru or Shou because if I did, I knew I would burst into tears.  
  
Hikari wasn't my sister. The mother and father I had been raised with were merely pitying me for being a child to a teenage mother The world suddenly felt so empty, so cold It reminded me of ice spreading over a lake. The water only able to sense the terrible to occur, yet cannot do anything about it.  
  
And I could only stare ahead of me as the three adults and one teenager scream at one another. All about me. All supposedly concerned about me.  
  
Yet, I was only a trophy. A trophy to be claimed as a son, only it wasn't like anyone wanted me. I was a burden on the family for years. Sure I listened to my parents or as I should say now, the Yagami's, but I burdened them with my continous practise habits with the band they disliked, and not to mention my smoking habit.  
  
I glanced over at Shou and Takeru. My eyes must have been pleading for the yelling to cease, for Takeru tugged on the hem of his––_our_––mother's shirt and said, Enough, Mother. You've had your say, now let Yamato have is.  
  
You're right. Where are my manners? She sat down as if nothing of the sort had happened, as if we were back to where we were just before the truth came out. And why wasn't anyone saying anything to me about it? Why were they all yelling at each other and not paying attention to myself It was all so baffeling  
  
Do you have anything to say? Takeru asked. He smiled at me and tilted his head, as if finding my state amusing.  
  
I sneared at him. Then, I stood up, walked in front of the Shou and threw my arm back as I punched him square in the face. You fucking never fucking told me! You never told me! You knew all of this time and you never told me!  
  
Taichi grabbed my arms from behind before I could do any further damage and whispered in my ear, It's going to be okay Just don't  
  
My hands began to shake and I could feel myself vibrating against Taichi's frame. Everything suddenly dawned on me. This entire dinner was all planned to tell me to tell me that––that  
  
I'm adopted, I whispered.  
  
**End of Chapter 11  
  
**Whee! Now the truth's out. Please give me an opinion of what you think. It would be greatly appreciated.


	12. Pity They Don't Love Me

Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon.   
  
**Unspeakable  
Chapter 12: Pity; They Don't Love Me**  
  
  
I'm adopted  
  
Oh honey, we wanted to tell you this more appropriately than what was perceived tonight, said my mother as she shot a harsh glare at the woman who was now deemed as my biological mother.   
  
I-it doesn't matter. I'm just going to leave this room now. It was spoken rather calmly, without emotion, yet as much as I wanted to cry and scream, it wasn't the time or place to. Slowly I got up and proceeded to my bedroom without a moment's glance behind at the ones who were now my _real_ family. Oh how it hurt to learn that those who love me only were out of pity. More than anything I wish it wasn't so. I didn't want Shou as a cousin, nor Takeru as a brother. Or that awful, rude woman as a mother.   
  
It couldn't be so It just _couldn't._  
  
As I entered my room and shut the door, Taichi opened the door and shut it behind himself.   
  
he whispered. He whispered that very word several times before I told him to knock it off. Don't you see?  
  
I made a noise that more sounded like a cough than a grunt of acknowledgement as I sprawled across my bed, hugging one of the pillows loosely to my chest.  
  
We're not brothers! We can do our love without shame! Without anyone's disapproval. Taichi laughed in delight as he spun around the room, gigging non stop and throwing inanimate objects around. This is such good news  
  
Do shut up, I whispered.  
  
What's wrong with you? Taichi inquired. He sat on the bed next to me and rested a hand on my lower back, rubbing in soft circles with much care.  
  
You're so dense at times, Taichi Just so dense. The words could hardly be heard, for it was painful for me to speak without breaking into fresh tears. Did it occur to you that I love _your_ parents? That I _love_ Hikari? Did it?!  
  
yeah, of course And I know this must be painful, but you can still love them as that. Who cares if that bitch out there is your biological mother? She never raised you. Cared for you. Loved you. She just gave birth to you, which is so meaningless that it hurts _Our _mother loves you no matter what, Taichi said with so much compassion that I could not help but shed a few tears at the words. His arms softly grabbed a hold of my waist as he lifted me ever so gently so that I was curled within his arms. And there I wept, wept for God who knows how long before he gently set me aside and stood.  
  
W-where are you going?  
  
To tell them that I'm comforting you and to not disturb us, Taichi replied.  
  
I remained silent, listening keenly for Taichi's voice of concern. When he finished speaking and came back inside, I leaned back upon my pillows and tilted my head slightly. You're right, Taichi. You're right.  
  
Mom loves you. Dad loves you. Hikari loves you. And I love you, more than any of them. He crawled on the bed and very slowly wrapped his arms round my shaking body, kissing the crook of my neck in the most reassuring way.  
  
Taichi, what's going to happen now? Am I going to have to go live with––with this woman? And what about school, and my band, and––  
  
Taichi placed a single digit in front of my mouth before quickly leaning down and closing the gap in one swift move. He pressed his entire body length along mine, kissing me, comforting me––loving me in every which way.   
  
He pulled my clothes off. Made me beg for his love.   
  
And he loved me, loved me until we were both completely exhausted.   
  
Only then did I fall asleep in somewhat comfort.  
  
***  
  
The next few weeks passed by in slow motion. My parents––the Yagami's–– spent an hour or so explaining the depths of my adoption. It really was out of pity, for they merely felt sorry for my mother's younger sister's best friend and took me because of it. Never did they come right out and say it was out of pity, and denied it when I accused them of it. Yet the look in their eyes told me so. The sad, guilty look within the pupils made me feel even more distant from them than I had ever felt in my entire life.   
  
They said they loved me, and that I would live with them until I was ready to leave. Who said anything about me actually wanting to live with the woman who made the telling of my adoption so painful? Yet, it wasn't a question of whether I wanted to live her, but more of when I was ready too. I don't think I ever will be  
  
Taichi fucked me several times through the weeks, always out of pity, I'm sure. He said he loved me even more because we weren't brothers, and I couldn't say I agreed, but also couldn't disagree. So, I let him invade my body for his desires, and my own, different than his.   
  
School wasn't any better, for there were so many people to avoid, yet no room to do so. Shun, Shou, Takeru, and the rest of my band, as well. How could I face them? Although they had no idea what was going around, Shun told them of the argument that occurred about whether Taichi and I slept together. Now I was even alienated from the ones that I thought could understand.  
  
So here I sat, on the depths of my bed, hiding myself from my family and friends. I knew Taichi would be home any moment, and I knew what he would want. I pulled off my shirt just as the front door clicked. This force came upon me, causing me to act sly and in the mood to tease my brother. I opened the door to my bedroom, and to my astonishment, there Taichi stood with all of my band and Shun.  
  
What are you all doing here? I managed to ask after a _very_ awkward moment, mainly shared between Taichi and I, for he knew what I thought was going to occur.  
  
You're our friend, Yamato, and we came to see how we could cheer you up, Ren chirped, smiling as he came forward and placed his arms around me.   
  
I hugged him briefly and inquired timidly, you know that I'm adopted?  
  
Yeah. Shou and Taichi explained it to us, Kairu said.  
  
It's hard to accept that they could even explain it to us together! Kenta exclaimed, laughing nervously while elbowing Kairu to do the same.  
  
Things have changed, Shou said. And some have not. He glared at Taichi as he said this, and the three of us knew the inclination of what was said. As I glanced at Shun, he scowled.  
  
Have you all forgotten what I told you? Taichi and Yamato have slept together!  
  
Shut up, Taichi said. It isn't true, and I don't know how many more times I can try and say this.  
  
Whatever. I'm out of here. Shun began to walk out of the apartment, but I quickly ran through my bandmates and grabbed his arm. I pressed my lips against his in one swift motion before saying, You _must_ believe me. I know that argument outside of the school was weird, but nothing of the sort has occurred between Taichi and I. I love him as my _brother_, and it's hard for me to accept that he isn't, and Shou and him just couldn't stand the tension and such Please, don't hate me because of it because you're my friend.  
  
He sighed and flung my arm off of his. I still don't believe you, but I'm not going to hate you because of it because even though you and Taichi _did_ screw, you're not brothers, so I suppose it isn't incest Although it raises the question of whether you knew that you weren't brothers before you slept together, which I'm guessing no and––  
  
Just stop it, Kenta said, before I beat the living shit out of you! Yamato's our friend and we're here out of friendship. We all just want him to know that we care for him and that we want our band to keep going and try and get out of this awkwardness.  
  
I felt so overwhelmed So many people were here and demanding things Oh how I wished they were gone and I was in Taichi's arms at the moment, yet I couldn't do that, for I did care for them and I did want things to at least be somewhat reasonable.   
  
How about a practice next week? Ren suggested.  
  
Yeah, sounds good, I answered rather quickly.  
  
Well, let's give him some peace then, Kairu said. See ya later, Yamato.  
  
Soon they were all gone, and I realized Shou had barely said one word through the entire ordeal. It caused me to frown, but the kissing of Taichi brought me out of that haze and into the bedroom, for yet another round of sex.  
  
***  
  
I wish I was adopted, Kenta grumbled as he picked up a set of chopsticks for his drums. Then I wouldn't have the stupid family I have.  
  
But you're forgetting that my biological mother is a fucking bitch, I pointed out, frowning at the thought. And I don't even know who my father is because she was a slut in high school.  
  
She's not so bad, Shou said simply. And you fuck around too with people you shouldn't, so I wouldn't speak.  
  
She's only your aunt, not your mother. And, I'm gay so I can't get someone pregnant, I snapped, turning to glare at him. I stopped the motion when I saw a sad expression on his face and solemnly apologized.   
  
Come on, let's just start practicing, Ren suggested timidly.  
  
I felt relieved of tension as I strummed my beautiful instrument with the rest of my band. As we did this, I realized they loved me no matter what, and it wasn't out of pity  
  
The same goes for my family. My parents and Hikari loved me too, even though they weren't my biological family. Even Taichi, who grinned at me with a sly smile loved me as well, and perhaps it wasn't out of pity either  
  
It all seemed so good now. As the next few weeks passed, I felt myself growing stronger and closer to the Yagami's than ever in my my life. Taichi still loved me, and it felt different now When he invaded my body and kissed me, I wanted it more and more. I wanted us to come out as a couple, but I doubted that could ever happen, especially when my closeness with the Yagami's was overwhelming and I felt more like their son than ever before.  
  
However, good things never last forever. It felt good at the time, until  
  
You're so beautiful, Taichi gasped as he kissed ever inch of my face that was possible.  
  
I could only grunt in reply, which was followed by a cry of pleasure. My head tilted to the side and I was overcome with another wave of pleasure.  
  
Neither of us heard the front door click, or the gentle padding of feet across the floor. Nor did we pay any attention to the figure standing ajar in the doorway, until we _actually_ noticed her.  
  
I exclaimed, shoving Taichi off of me so that he landed next to me.  
  
It isn't what it seems, he said weakly, reaching over my body and picking up two pairs of boxer shorts to slip on.  
  
I couldn't believe what Takeru said so I decided to come home and see for myself what goes on when no one is home she whispered, closing her eyes tightly. My own two brothers! How sick! No, this can't be happening  
  
Yamato, get up and pack your things, Taichi whispered.  
  
I could only face him with a look of astonishment.  
  
**End of Chapter 12  
  
**Next chapter is the last and then there's an epilogue. I hope everyone's enjoying this


	13. Falling Forward

Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon.   
  
**Unspeakable  
Chapter 13: Falling Forward  
  
**I couldn't believe what Takeru said so I decided to come home and see for myself what goes on when no one is home she whispered, closing her eyes tightly. My own two brothers! How sick! No, this can't be happening  
  
Yamato, get up and pack your things, Taichi whispered.  
  
I could only face him with a look of astonishment.  
  
Get up! he all but shouted.  
  
My head was shaking slowly as he threw the covers off and grabbed our duffel bags from within our closet. It was still in the movement of fluttering left and right as Hikari stood clutching the door frame and sobbing her beautiful eyes out. Clothes were stuffed in randomly, as well as other things like my lyric booklet, Taichi's knives and wood carvings. This all being done while I sat on the bed, half naked, shaking my neck and Hikari crying non stop.  
  
Fuck Yamato! Get up!  
  
Clothes were thrown at me, but I could only sit in shock with a shirt hanging off my head and stare at him. He closed the bags, and surprisingly, a good portion of our items were gone from the room, leaving it almost bare and hallow.  
  
If you're not fucking dressed by the time I come back up here, I'm leaving without you!  
  
What are you fucking going to drive with, _genius_?! I screamed, tears falling down my face.  
  
I'm calling a cab, _genius_, Taichi mocked. Move, Hikari.  
  
She jumped out of the way as Taichi stormed out of the room. Bursting into tears, I picked the few clothes off the floor that were left in my room, holding them tightly and trying best to ignore Hikari.  
  
she whispered timidy; probably was afraid I was going to become violent like Taichi.  
  
Because I love him, Hikari. And it was so forbidden  
  
she murmered.  
  
I merely attempted ignoring her once again and slowly found myself in an automatic state of getting dressed and gathering my guitar and anything Taichi had forgotten. A few minutes passed with silence heavy in the air, droning out the thumping of my heart, and all I could think of is what it would have been like if I hadn't been apart of this family at all.   
  
Taichi stalked back into the room, taking out our bags one by one, somehow ignoring Hikari as well. When he came for the last thing, he said, All right, let's get out of here.  
  
I'm not leaving, I stated.  
  
Fine. Then stay here and deal with the shit that will occur when Hikari tells _my_ parents.  
  
I swallowed, and took one last look at Hikari. She gulped, her eyes pleading for something––different than what was happening. If only this didn't happen  
  
  
  
I slowly followed Taichi out of the room and helped him carry our stuff down the stairs. The last look I gave to the only home I knew was shattered by Hikari pressed against the window, on her knees.   
  
Neither Taichi or I even said goodbye to her.  
  
***  
_3 months later  
  
_Taichi, I think it's time for us to move again.  
  
Taichi walked into the room and shook his head. They won't find us. Come on, let's get to bed.   
  
By , Taichi really meant to have sex. It was more like a comfort between the two of us that we had each other, and neither of us were going to leave the other behind.   
  
I followed him into the bedroom and took my clothes off––so casually that it caused Taichi to frown.  
  
Are we going to spend the rest of our lives like this? Having boring sex and running away from any clues of our disappearance?  
  
Sorry that I'm not fucking good enough, I snapped.   
  
I didn't mean it like that––  
  
Good to know that I'm not sexy enough, or that I'm not hot enough, or good in bed, or––  
  
Taichi silenced me when he pinned me onto the bed and found my lips in an instant. I could only fall under his power. Each time, I would tell myself that it was wrong now, what not with everything that happened, yet I couldn't force myself away from the love he provided me. I wanted to go home so badly, so very badly And I wanted to make everything up, and perhaps move out (for it would be for the best), but now that woldn't happen. We were in Tokyo, living in a rough neighborhood apartment where many run aways lived or even people escaping the law. It felt so wrong  
  
I pushed Taichi away and sat up, searching for something to wrap my naked body with. I want to go home, Taichi.  
  
What?––you actually think Hikari didn't tell them about us? Are you really that stupid, Yamato?  
  
Stop insulting me! Please I can't take it anymore. I thought you loved me. Nice to see I'm fucking wrong––  
  
Shut up! Taichi screamed, jumping from the bed and grabbing a hold of my wrist_very_ tightly. You know I love you with everything I have––  
  
Oh whatever. I don't know what to think anymore, I said, turning away from his face. I just know I want to go home, regardless of the consequences that await us. They're going to find us, Taichi. They will You can't hide forever, and things will only be worse the longer we wait and––  
  
Yamato, please shut up! What's there to go back for? I'd rather kill myself then go back. His voice dropped to a low whisper, Besides, I love you  
  
I allowed him to kiss me again and take off his own clothing, and from there he pushed me onto the bed and ever so slowly prepared to love me in what seemed to be the only way he knew how to, but I wouldn't allow it to happen. Instead, I pushed his body off and said, If you really love me, with your heart and soul, then you will come back with me to Odaiba and explain everything to your parents and my biological mother.  
  
And if I say no?  
  
Then we're through and I'm going back anyway. My voice wavered, and in attempt to hold my ground, I stood and began fetching my clothes.  
  
No, you're not.  
  
You can't tell me what to do! I cried out.  
  
Oh, but Taichi could. When he grabbed a hold of my arm and tossed me onto the bed, I felt frightened beyond all reason. He was so much stronger than me So heavy and forceful, especially when full of rage, which he was when he raped me. I cried as much as humanly possible through the entire ordeal, only ceasing when it had ended. It was then that I fell completely silent and instead, Taichi began to sob.  
  
Look what's become of us! Of me! He curled his knees up to his chest, crying into them. I only stared at him, silent by my own request. I'm so sorry So sorry  
  
Gulping, I wrapped my arms around his shaking body and tried to soothe him, but he only shook harder to the point where he couldn't breathe because of hysteria.  
  
Staggering out of bed, he wandered over to the door leading to the very small balcony installed.  
  
Taichi, stay inside. It's raining God, I sounded so pathetic. So needy, when really, Taichi was the one who needed me  
  
He never listened. Instead, he walked through the door, mumbling of being selfish and a bad person. A dirty person. My heart was tearing I, too, felt dirty So dirty, and it wans't exactly because I had slept with him, even when I thought we were brothers, but more because of what Hikari had witnessed. Taichi was feeling dirty because of what he had done to me a few minutes ago.  
  
Taichi, get back in here! I shouted. When he didn't return, I pulled on a pair of his pants lying around and went out to see him.  
  
The man I loved sat on the railing, hugging his naked body tightly and staring down below. I'm sorry.  
  
Don't worry––  
  
You didn't let me finished. He almost laughed, but stopped himself and looked at me with brown eyes and a tear stricken face (also combined with the rain). I shouldn't have forced myself onto you. You know I love you, right?  
  
Yeah, I do, I guess.  
  
I just wanted everything to work out, he continued. For us to be together. To love each other. And I know we do, and I love having sex with you; you're not boring at all. But it's not working out.  
  
Our relationship?  
  
It could work out, but only if so many things didn't stand in the way. Our supposed brotherhood. Hikari. Our parents. Your bitch of a mother. Shou. They create a disruption between us, you see what I mean?  
  
I suppose I get what you're saying, I whispered. Wrapping my arms around his waist, I leaned against his back; felt him tremble due to the cold.  
  
Are you aware that things are never going to be wonderful and happy because of the disruptions? I could only nod before he continued, Things were almost better before, when we had silently declared this attraction unspeakable. Perhaps if we had left it at that, things would be better. Instead, we took everything too far, and now look at where we are.  
  
What does this all mean? I probed, letting go of his waist.  
  
Let it mean what you want. I'm just stating the facts.  
  
We stood in the rain for a moment longer, before a chill ran up and down my spine, causing me to say, I'm going to bed. Please come in soon.  
  
I think I'm going to, as well.  
  
As I turned around, Taichi let out a shreik. I turned just in time to see him falling forward. Yet, I was paralyzed in fear and shock. I watched my brother and lover fall. It was a moment before I walked over to the balcony railing, shaking in fear and angst.  
  
I couldn't see Taichi's body on the cement, only because it was much too dark and the rain clouded my vision  
  
But I knew it was there. His dead body, pressed into the cement from the high fall.  
  
**End of Chapter 13  
  
**Sorry if this is a _touch_ sad There will be an epilogue.


	14. A Mourning Morning

Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon.   
  
I wrote this the morning I've posted it because of motivation from everyone's wonderful reviews and Izzy & Frab from the yahoo group of taito_ml (I hope you guys find some peace out of this ^^).   
  
I hope this is okay. I had trouble thinking of suiting epilogue, for this is a very conflicting fanfiction -_- Also, thank you everyone for the wonderful reviews through this. I hope it's been worth everyone's expectations.  
  
**Unspeakable  
Epilogue: A Mourning Morning  
  
**  
Lips that were soft probed into my mouth, yet the lower region of our bodies was so much more interesting that he stopped trying and instead pushed himself into me again. It left me breathless, wanting it to be over quickly. Yet, I pretended to enjoy it, and kissed his neck endlessly until he came.  
  
That was good, Yamato. You always know how I like it.  
  
I said nothing, snuggling down onto his chest and pretending to fall asleep.  
  
How come you don't enjoy it as much as me?  
  
I do, I whispered, trying my best to sound sleepy.  
  
You don't sound very convincing, he said, nudging his shoulder up.  
  
What do you expect? A fucking parade every time we fuck? I retorted. Standing, I walked to the window sill and looked down below to the ground. It was raining out, which brought a sudden feeling of deja vu.  
  
It's been a year, Yamato. He's not coming back.  
  
You must assume I'm stupid because it's obvious I already knew that, I snapped. Sorry it's just that I want to visit his grave tomorrow.  
  
I don't really want to. It's such a long drive.  
  
Geez, I should have assumed that I'm not worth it. You're so fucking inconsiderate, Shun.  
  
His intense features glowered before he replied, Fine, we'll drive to Odaiba tomorrow to see your brother's grave. End of discussion. Let's sleep.  
  
After crawling to bed and waiting for Shun's rhythmic breathing did I allow any tears to escape. It was a year since the death of _him_. A year since I was overlooking the railing of the balcony trying to see any signs of my brother. A scream from below confirmed his appearance there, which awoke me from the haze that I had been in. It was then that I ran to see him; him and his mangled body.  
  
He didn't survive, though there hadn't been any hope within me to believe that. It was ironic that we were just about to settle things down between us and work things out for the best that he had to slip on the balcony when climbing over and fall to his death.  
  
God I missed him. I missed his love, his body, his sex. His wood carvings. His selfishness.  
  
I missed every bloody thing about him.  
  
And he won't ever come back, and I know better than to pester those hopes.  
  
My adopted parents were devastated. Blamed me for a while until Hikari told them everything that occurred that day. Hikari wouldn't have even told them what she saw, which makes me more upset knowing that he would still be alive if it weren't for the fact of being caught by her. They looked at me with much disgust, as I knew they would. They asked when it started between us. How many times. If anyone else knew besides them. I answered each question as honestly as possible, leaving them with even more shame of their two sons.  
  
My biological mother didn't help any. She looked at me with the same disgust and blamed the Yagamis for the raising of me way. I haven't seen her, Takeru, or Shou since. Shou wasn't surprised at all, of course. He blamed Taichi of everything, and this made me so angry that I told him that I wanted it more than Taichi ever did and that the sex was fucking awesome.  
  
Both of us were hurt, which lead to the ignoring of each other since.   
  
Then Shun came along. Comforting, loving Shun. Nursed me into a whole being who cracked when the lover of my life died. I shouldn't have fallen back into him, though. For now, I'm as miserable as can be. Our simple fuck buddy system failed from when Taichi was alive and we were left with a harsh truth of me falling love with my brother.  
  
The relation of Taichi and mine's love may be considered somewhat because of not actually being blood related. However, we fell in love with each other as _brothers_, knew it was forbidden and led it on from there. It would have never worked out between us; as Taichi said before the last few minutes of his life, there were too many obstacles that stood in the way.  
  
Sighing, I snuggled deeper into the bed and Shun's embrace. He's all that I have left, and I don't have the guts to take my own life away, for I would not be here in this bed if I did.  
  
***  
  
The morning chilled the flesh covering the bones of my body, leaving me with a numb feeling in the silent graveyard. Shun and I kept our distance and conversation at a minimum as Taichi's tombstone came into view.   
  
Unable to hold myself back, I slightly jogged towards it and flung my arms around it, holding back a sob. I miss you  
  
Shun stopped behind me; I could hear an agitated sigh escape him.   
  
I held back the weeping that wanted to escape my body and continued to stare at his tomb. An entire year slipped through my hands without Taichi If we hadn't run away, he would still be here and I would hold at least a touch of happiness, yet nothing is left inside of me. It's as if this numbness had taken over, and there's no more pleasure and merriment left in the world. Or, at least in my world.  
  
Can we go now? Shun asked, letting out an exasperated sigh.   
  
You're so fucking impatient! Just like Taichi always was He could pull it off because I know he gave a shit about me.  
  
Shun didn't say anything, and I went back to mourning my dead lover and brother.  
  
It's ironic; after everything I've found out about my past, my family––I still consider Hikari and Taichi my siblings, regardless of the amount of times Taichi and I slept together. It cannot be helped; I grew up with them as siblings and as Taichi pointed out over a year ago, it doesn't really matter that Nasuko is my birth mother because the Yagami's were the ones who really loved me.  
  
Of course, this is an exception now considering they haven't looked at me since the truth came out.  
  
Sighing, I hugged the tombstone one last time and let a few tears spill onto it, whispering, I love you and always will. One day, I will join you at wherever you are, as soon as I retain the guts to leave my worthless life away  
  
Oh Yamato  
  
The voice was soft, definitely not belonging to Shun. I turned around and stood to see someone I hadn't thought I would never see again.  
  
Hikari. She smiled softly and walked forward, throwing her arms around my neck. I was surprised by the act, remained frozen for a few moments, and then wrapped them around her slender body.  
  
I miss you, she said as we parted.  
  
I do too I looked past her to see my adopted parents standing a little behind Shun, looking both apprehensive and sad. They didn't look disgusted, and weren't glaring at me like the day the truth came out last year. Then again, how could I have expected anything less considering I slept with their only biological son and he died, as well.  
  
Suddenly, my mother––Mrs. Yagami––pushed past Shun and wrapped her arms around me. Are you okay? Have you been eating right? Do you have a job? Where are you living?  
  
I was stunned at the request of answers and a small smile formed at the corners of my mouth. Yet, I was able to form some sort of reply, fine, I guess. I'm living with Shun in his apartment and I don't have a job momentarily since I didn't graduate  
  
Oh honey She wrapped her arms around me again and said, Come back home and live with us. We'll make sure you go to night school to get your high school diploma and see what happens from there.   
  
I felt a hand upon my shoulder and unraveled myself from my mother's grip to see an encouraging smile from the man who I considered my father for seventeen––no, even this year I considered him a father, so eighteen––years of my life.  
  
The event of this was almost too overwhelming, for Shun was glaring at me steadily, as if saying No, don't go. I've given my life to you. I stayed with you even though you're disgusting and slept with your brother'.  
  
Turning from this horrible look and man, I turned back to my _family_. Do you really mean it?  
  
Of course we do! We miss you, Yamato, Hikari beamed.  
  
I guess yesI want to. I turned to Shun, I don't want to see you anymore I'm going to live with my family, people who care for me regardless of the sins I have committed in the past few years.  
  
Shun glowered. You were a worthless prize in bed anyway. He left immediately after that.  
  
The Yagami's began mourning for Taichi, and we spent an hour or so there, together. We hugged, we cried, and we did everything of the sort. And not once did anyone make me feel uncomfortable of my past It was as if I was given a fresh new start. It upsets me to think that Taichi cannot have this fresh new start with me, to not both be considered a son once more. Yet, I was happy enough to be given this beginning and cherish Taichi for always.  
  
Perhaps this life won't be so worthless anymore Not with a loving family. And no more lies or secrets that are considered unspeakable.  
  
**The End**  
  
It feels weird to be finishing this =\ I hope this was a worthy ending. And thanks for the support entirely through ^^ Please pass any feedback that feels necessary, thank you =)


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